Sunshine ~ Chapter Five
By Rosemarie Hauer

From the entryway Catherine watched Vincent as he packed several pieces of clothing in a large canvas bag. He seemed to be quite absorbed by the task, because he didn't even notice her right away as he normally would. Putting her own bag pack on the floor beside her, Catherine mused that his being aware of her presence certainly exceeded any normal awareness in that regard. Sometimes he acted as if he were able to read her very thoughts and she wasn't sure whether or not she liked the idea.

Finally he straightened and met her eyes across the room. "I'm ready," she said, for lack of anything better to say. For a moment he remained where he was, just holding her gaze. Then he bent to take up his bag. Reaching for his cloak, he strode over to where she stood and took her pack, holding it up for her to shoulder it.

"Let's go then," he said simply.

Catherine didn't move. "Vincent, we need to talk." He threw back his head, releasing an inaudible groan. "Look, I really don't mean to put such a strain on you. If my presence is a problem, then I'd rather not come with you. I..."

He stilled her words by cupping one palm around her shoulder. "Please not now," he implored her. His eyes were dark with emotion and for a moment she thought she caught a glimpse of the old closeness in his gaze. "The others are waiting," he added softly.

His hand slid down her arm and he took her hand, sending a ripple of happiness through her. She looked up at his thoughtful expression, wondering what was going on in his mind.

"It's a long way," he said. "We really should be going." They left the chamber and joined Joshua and Rebecca who were waiting in the study.

"Please take great care," Father admonished, concern tingeing his voice.

"Father," Vincent replied, placing a soothing hand on the old man's shoulder. "I've made that journey many times. It is laborious, yes, but not really dangerous."

Father sighed. "God speed, children," he said, squeezing Vincent's hand before dislodging it from his shoulder.

They walked for quite some time with Vincent leading the way and the others following behind. They didn't talk much since everybody was busy concentrating on the difficult task of hiking underground. After what seemed to be hours Catherine began to feel really tired. Furtively she glanced at Rebecca who was walking beside her. The young woman's expression betrayed nothing but concentration and determination.

Suddenly Vincent stopped and turned. "This would be a good place to rest," he said, indicating a side branch of the tunnel.

The floor was even and appeared dry. Vincent retrieved a torch from the sconce in the wall and lit it. Gratefully Catherine stripped off her backpack and sat down on the floor, watching fondly as Joshua helped Rebecca remove hers.

"You're very quiet tonight, my friend," Joshua said to Vincent "You've hardly said a word since we all met up. Is something wrong?" Vincent shook his head.

"I'm all right." After a small pause he added, "The way will get more difficult from here and there will be some hazards to contend with, so we must stay alert and take great care."

Catherine and Rebecca exchanged a look of mild alarm, but Joshua put a reassuring arm around both of them. "Don't worry, we'll look after you. You'll both be okay. We're going to take it slowly, right, Vincent?"

Vincent nodded his head. "I'm sorry, I did not mean to alarm you, merely to advise you to be cautious and to watch your step at all times."

After leaving the resting place Vincent was soon required to take the lead and they walked single file since the way was too narrow to walk abreast. Catherine had expected that their journey would be a little like mountain climbing, but in truth it was very different from that discipline. Only the steepness compared. Of course it was the darkness, the unrelenting absence of light, which made these alternating ascents and descents so radically unlike any sort of surface travel.

Vincent was obviously very much aware of the problem. "This is supposed to be an enjoyable experience," he said after a probing look into Catherine's face. "We aren't in any hurry."

He turned up the light of his lantern and settled it on a small flat ledge protruding from the wall. He carefully adjusted the flame so that it brightened most of the triangular space. Everybody removed their backpacks and placed them against the wall in order to lean against them. Catherine was a bit doubtful as she eyed the truly small area.

They all sat down and Vincent and Joshua took Rebecca and her between them in order to prevent them from falling off the ledge. Catherine tried to ignore the sweet tingle of excitement that went through her at the feel of Vincent's thigh brushing hers as he rummaged through the contents of his pack.

"For now we have to be careful with our water," he said, "but later there will be springs, crevices in the rocks where cool water flows into small natural pools. There we will replace our supplies. The place where we will camp for the night will be fit for building a fire with charcoal and wood which Joshua and I brought along."

He leaned forward a bit in order to glance over at Joshua, adding, "At least that's what I hope."

Joshua laughed. "Don't worry, I've got everything you asked me to bring."

Furtively Catherine turned her head. She'd never seen Vincent's profile from such a small distance - from practically no distance at all. The light from the lantern enhanced the planes and angles of his unusual face, and she wondered fleetingly what it must feel like to touch those bristled cheeks. Suddenly she found her eyes locked to his as he regarded her solemnly. She held his gaze bravely, asking herself for the hundredth time why he always gave her a feeling as if he knew exactly what she was thinking.

They'd been walking for another hour when Vincent stopped and said, "The campsite where we'll spend the night is just down the tunnel."

Joshua groaned. "It's about time."

They squeezed through a crevice and walked up a slope. Finally the tunnel widened into a spacious cavern. Everyone took a deep breath, and indeed the air was better up there, as if there were a source of fresh air close by.

"That is where we will set up our camp," Vincent pointed out, indicating a smooth, even place with a circle of stones which obviously served as a fireplace.

"There is water close by and we have enough firewood to prepare a warm meal."

Everyone unpacked what they needed for the night and Vincent told them to place the sleeping bags as close as possible to the fire he was going to build.

"If you'd like to wash," he said, "there's a river nearby. The water is clear but quite cold."

Turning to Joshua, he asked, "Please would you show them the way?"

"I'd be delighted to," Joshua replied with a smile.

Catherine and Rebecca followed Joshua down a short passageway and into a cavern where the waves of an underground river lapped gently against its stony banks. Joshua searched his pockets for matches and lit a lantern that hung on the rocky wall.

"I'll stay close by," he reassured them, "in case you need me to come to your rescue."

Catherine and Rebecca exchanged an amused look. Their amusement faded, though, as they felt the temperature of the water. But it couldn't be helped. Walking for hours had made it necessary to at least wash up thoroughly. The sight of the black surface of the water wasn't exactly appealing, but Catherine told herself that it had to be safe, or Vincent would never have sent them here. By the time they were finished with their evening toilet they were both shivering.

Joshua guided them back to the campsite where Vincent had prepared a simple meal and some tea. They sat down around the fire and Catherine looked over at Vincent, thinking how generous he was, how caring, how...wonderful. He raised his head and his eyes met hers for a lingering moment.

"Vincent and I were still teenagers when we first came to this place," Joshua broke the silence. "We dreamed of building a life of our own. Father's rules had become oppressive in our eyes, so we planned on founding a colony of the tunnel world, so to speak. Unfortunately we didn't get any further than this place where we spent a few pleasant days, planning and dreaming. But then I became sick and poor Vincent was frantic with worry what to do. I can't remember most of that time, because my fever was really high. Suffice it to say that Vincent saved my life. He took intensive care of me and after a few days I had recovered enough that he could leave me alone for a while in order to call for help. Although everyone was glad to have us back again, they punished us quite badly. We weren't allowed to see each other for weeks and sentenced with the Silence."

"What's the Silence?" Catherine inquired.

"If you are sentenced with the Silence, no man, no woman and no child will speak to you for at least a month," Rebecca explained.

"Sounds rather harsh to me," Catherine said thoughtfully, imagining a young Vincent all alone in his chamber with no one to talk to and exchange thoughts with. Vincent shook his head and his long hair flowed gently with the movement.

"During that time books were my only companions," he said. "It was hard, but I got used to it in the end. Books are windows to every part of the world you choose, and I opened every one of those windows I could lay my hands on."

Joshua chuckled. "I could hardly catch up with him when we finally met again. I had done quite some reading myself, but he was so full of thoughts and ideas, of new insights and conclusions that it overwhelmed me quite a bit."

Catherine tried to imagine the two of them at that age as they stuck their heads together and shared their souls and minds. They finished their meal in companionable silence and then everyone settled down for sleep. Later as Catherine lay in her sleeping bag, glancing over at Vincent who slept peacefully under a patched blanket, she remembered the first time she had seen him when she had taken a wrong turn and ended up in his chamber. She hadn't known him then, and yet she'd felt something happening within her as she had looked at his sleeping form. She'd been confused and frightened, and yet she had felt the urge to go to him and touch him, talk to him, ask him for help. Gradually her thoughts blurred and she fell asleep at last.
 

Catherine awoke in complete darkness and it took her a moment to remember where she was. She felt for the flashlight at her side and turned it on, directing the beam to the floor in order not to disturb anybody. She glanced at her watch and saw it was almost 9 o'clock. Must be 9 a.m., she thought uncertainly. Rebecca and Joshua were still deeply asleep, but Vincent's sleeping bag was deserted. With a yawn she decided to start her day and grabbed soap and towel in order to wash up at the river. She felt quite brave as she walked down the dark corridor alone, armed only with a flashlight. After making sure that the bathing place wasn't occupied, she loosened her clothing and bent to wash her neck and face.

She brushed her teeth and as she straightened to towel herself, she froze. There was a series of splashes out there in the water and Catherine felt panic welling up inside her. Shaking off the stupid feeling, she strained her eyes to look more closely. Out of the darkness came Vincent, wading toward the bank and her. In the meager light of the flashlight she could hardly see his face, but she was aware that he was looking at her intently. Then he stopped, the waterline just above his navel. His wet hair cascaded across his wide shoulders and Catherine did her best not to stare at his bare chest.

"I'm sorry," she managed, lowering her gaze. "I didn't know you were here." Hastily she picked up her things to leave and give him privacy to dress. She could hear soft sounds of splashing water as he left the river.

"Wait," he whispered. "I didn't mean to startle you." She turned to look at him, still uncertain what to say. "I didn't mean to embarrass you either," he added, correctly assessing her momentary emotional state. But her embarrassment quickly shifted to admiration as she looked at him standing there with only a towel around his hips, his splendid chest still heaving from the exertion of swimming. The last thing she wanted was to make him uncomfortable, so she raised her eyes to his and met his gaze calmly.

"You see," he said quietly, "my face and hands are not the only things that indicate..." He paused, obviously struggling for words. "...that indicate animalistic traits in me," he finished at last. Encouraged by the soft tone of his voice, she took a few steps toward him to see his eyes more clearly. He looked troubled and very vulnerable.

"What do you mean?" she asked. "Do you think that a certain amount of body hair indicates animalistic traits?"

He cast down his gaze. "Sometimes I don't know what to think. Sometimes the border seems to be a very fine line."

Her heart went out to him and she wished she could pull him close and comfort him. At that she was concerned he might get chilled in his state of undress. The temperature in the corridor was quite low.

"I'm not cold," he said, and she was finally certain that he did read her mind. He was the most amazing human being she had ever met and it tore at her heart that he of all people should have doubts about his humanity.

"It's not the lack of fur, claws and fangs that makes a human being," she said. "You know that."

He stared at her in bewilderment, but then his face broke into a grin. "Maybe I am feeling a bit cold after all," he said, and she could see his mood had shifted.

They exchanged a glance of mutual understanding, and then Catherine turned and walked back to the fireplace. A giddy feeling of happiness was bubbling up inside her as she thought of the days ahead and of being so close to the man she had fallen hopelessly in love with.
 

After a long day's hike they set up their evening camp in a cavern much smaller than the one they had used the night before. Meeting Vincent's eyes over the rim of her mug, Catherine thought how things had changed between them since their encounter at the bathing place. He appeared more open now, more relaxed. And he obviously wasn't afraid of being alone with her anymore.

"You should sleep now," he admonished gently. "It's been a long day."

She glanced over at Rebecca and Joshua who were soundly asleep already. "I'm afraid I won't be able to sleep," she replied. "There's so much on my mind." He gave her a long, thoughtful look and she wished she knew what he was thinking.

"If you're not too tired, I would like to show you something," he said quietly and Catherine's heart skipped a beat. "It's close by and it won't take long."

She nodded her agreement and he rose, holding out his hand to help her up. His palm was warm and dry and she savored the brief contact before he released her again. All he took from the campsite was a lantern. She knew he did it for her sake, because he needed no light to find his way down here. They walked side by side across the cavern. Finally he ducked into a tunnel and she followed behind him. Suddenly the tunnel seemed to come to an end and Vincent stopped, indicating the wall in front of them with a movement of his head.

"We have to climb a little," he said, and she was amazed at how much she trusted him. She didn't have the slightest doubt that she'd be able to manage, because he thought she could.

He climbed up before her, placing the lantern onto the upper edge of the wall. Then he returned to her, explaining where to set her hands and feet. It wasn't as difficult as she had thought and the fact that he was climbing closely behind her, his hands at either side of her body, was very reassuring. When she pulled herself over the edge, Vincent acknowledged her accomplishment with a nod and a smile.

"It is not far from here," he said as he picked up the lantern again and took her hand.

She walked behind him silently for a while, and when he finally came to a halt, she felt excitement welling up inside her. They had to squeeze through a crevice followed by a low crawlspace, and suddenly the narrow passageway widened into a spacious cavern. Catherine straightened and Vincent held up the lantern for her. She looked around her in awe. The relatively smooth walls were covered with wall paintings that reminded her of the art of Native Americans.

"What is this place?" she asked in a hushed voice, looking up into Vincent's face.

He shrugged. "I'm not sure. I discovered it by accident when I was on my way to the crystal cavern once." He was whispering, too, as if this place were sacred somehow.

She turned to face the painted walls again and then closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. The air didn't smell stale at all, so there must be some ventilation here. She listened into the silence and suddenly all thought was driven from her mind as the soft tones of a flute reached her ears.

"Did you hear that?" she asked excitedly. He smiled indulgently and shook his head.

"No, but I heard something when I first entered this place."

"What did you hear?" she demanded anxiously.

"Something like a tune, a soft melody played on a flute," he replied quietly.

Involuntarily Catherine grasped the sleeve of his tunic. "Are you frightened?" he inquired softly.

"No, but very excited," she answered truthfully.

There was a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach as a gentle breeze came seemingly out of nowhere and ruffled her hair, sending a shiver down her spine. Still, she was not scared. There was a definitely positive vibration there that wasn't spooky at all.

"Who did the paintings? What do you think?" she whispered.

"An old soul," came the low reply.

Catherine nodded in agreement. "Yes."

After some moments of reverent silence she asked, "Do you think we could study those pictures more closely?" Vincent held up the lantern once more and led her across the soft, sandy floor. She allowed her eyes to wander over the murals that ran across the walls in lines like in a comic book.

"It's a story," she said with dawning realization.

"About a woman and a man," Vincent added with fascination, placing the lantern on a nearby boulder.

"Who are separated and search for one another," she continued and he nodded his agreement.

"Look," she said, pointing up at the first picture. "It is as if initially they had been one being." Astonished she turned around and stared up into Vincent's face. "That's like Plato's story."

He met her gaze calmly. "That story is probably as old as mankind and not an invention of the ancient Greeks."

"Probably," she said thoughtfully as her eyes returned to the story before her. "What do you think that one means?" she asked, indicating a drawing of the man kneeling on the ground, holding his heart in his hands.

When no answer was forthcoming, she turned around to look at Vincent. His eyes were deep and dark as he whispered hoarsely, "It may mean longing, yearning, the pain of impossible dreams." The anguish on his face tore at her and she took his hand, squeezing it gently.

"I know the feeling," she confessed shyly, lowering her eyes in the hope he wouldn't feel uneasy with an admission as personal as that. He remained silent and she simply didn't have the courage to look up at him. Instead she turned to the wall once more.

"What a pity that the artist didn't get to finish his work," she heard herself say in a small voice as she looked at the last picture of the woman standing on a hill, looking up at the sky.

Vincent's body brushed against hers as he stepped up to the wall and traced the contours of the painting with one clawed finger. "How sad," he said huskily. "How lonely."

"Maybe it is finished after all," she ventured.

He turned toward her, cocking his head as he stared at her curiously. "What do you mean?" Catherine held his inquiring gaze with hers.

"Maybe it is the story of the artist's life. Maybe he didn't find his other half," she suggested, swallowing the lump in her throat. Studying the picture once more, Vincent replied, "Or maybe the reunion is impossible in this life. Maybe it takes place...beyond the limits of the physical world."

"Probably," she murmured, fighting back the irrational urge to hide from his sight and break into tears.

"Come," he said, gently placing one hand on her shoulder. He retrieved the lantern with the other as he led her toward the exit. After a few moments of walking in silence she asked, "Why did you show me this place, Vincent?"

Vincent stopped but kept his gaze downcast, avoiding her eyes. "I'm not sure. Maybe I...." His voice trailed away and he sighed. Suddenly she understood. The man who was standing before her held his heart in his hands, offering it to a dream seemingly as unreachable as the skies above.

He didn't believe in his own rainbow because he had grown up in the darkness of an underground world without ever having had the chance to walk in the full light of the sun. "All humans are lonesome," he said quietly and she didn't doubt for a moment that he was aware of her train of thought.

"Their completeness is taken from them the moment they are born. Maybe even before that - who knows." "And then the quest begins," she mused, "and it's a lonely one."

He pulled back and looked down on her with a sad smile. His eyes left hers for a moment as he studied her features. She reached up and cupped her hands around his face. He closed his eyes, obviously savoring the soft touch of her palms. She felt giddy with joy that he allowed her to touch him so freely. "To touch and be touched," he murmured quietly. "Such a simple thing, and yet so dangerous."

She was heedless of the tears running down her cheeks. He framed her face with his hands and wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs. For a long moment they stared at each other wordlessly and the faint hope that he might kiss her played around the edges of her mind. But he just cradled the back of her head in his palm and pulled her close.

"There are things," he whispered, "too beautiful to be true. Things that must not be...that cannot be...not with me."

"Things like what?" she asked defiantly, although she could guess all too well.

She struggled to free her head from his tight clasp because she needed to see his face. His hold slackened immediately and his arms fell away. Quickly she reached for his hands to reassure him she didn't mean to pull away completely.

He studied their joined hands before he replied to her question at last. "Desire. Passion. Completion."

Her heart constricted as she acknowledged her longing for those very feelings inside herself, and suddenly she felt as if a weight on her chest made it impossible for her to breathe.

"What about friendship?" she managed with effort. "What about tenderness?"

Slowly he locked his gaze to hers. "I will only bring you pain," he said, his voice so low that it sounded strange to her ears. She shook her head in denial, opening her mouth to contradict, but with a swift motion he withdrew one hand from her grasp and placed it softly over her lips.

Gently he shook his head, whispering, "Friendship will never be enough...and yet it is all I have to offer."

"Why?" she asked, dislodging his fingers from her mouth.

"Because," he said quietly, "my world is a world of darkness. I cannot give you the colors you love so much." Before her mind's eye she saw the drawing of the man with his heart held high above his head, offering it to a ray of light from above, and suddenly she remembered the piece of quartz Vincent had given her. How it had sparkled beautifully with all the colors of the rainbow when she held it towards the sun. The thought that this was something he had never seen all but choked her. She was certain, though, that somewhere deep within him he had always known about the beauty of the crystal and its potential to shine.

He had never spoken about the photograph she had put on his desk, and she had never asked, hoping he would talk about it when the time was right for him. Slowly she raised her head and when she looked into his stormy eyes the anguish she saw there took her breath away.

On impulse she rose on tiptoes and pressed her mouth to his. His lips tasted of tears as they moved hesitantly over hers, and the sigh he released filled her lungs as she inhaled deeply. The kiss they shared was one of desperation, and yet she felt as if his soul brushed against hers. With the furred backs of his fingers he feathered a caress against the side of her neck before he released her and took a small step in retreat. At first she was almost afraid to meet his eyes, but when she dared at last, all she saw there was peace. They exchanged a shaky smile before starting back toward the campsite.