Jeff Carden's 2001 Con Report

Jeff posted his con report on the Tunneldreams yahoogroup. Yahoogroups
went away a few years back, but we scooped an archive of all our groups
when Yahoo offered it. We're posting Jeff's con report posthumously.

7/24/01
Subject: Confessions of a Middle Aged Con Virgin part 1

My Con adventure really started in April.  I work for a software group that
makes a couple of products that help hospitals comply with Medicare
regulations and some of these regulations are updated quarterly.  So we
were a couple of weeks late on that release and we sat down and created a
schedule for the July releases which we were absolutely going to be on time
for.  So the first product was supposed to go out the door July 3rd and the
second July 12th.  I'm in charge of Quality Assurance (I'm also the QA
peon) so it's my job to test the software and make sure it's working
correctly which generally means working a lot of hours right before the
release dates.

Right about the time we created the schedule the scare went out that there
weren't any more rooms at the hotel so I made my reservations and signed up
for the con thinking that we would ship the software on Thursday and I
would go enjoy the con on Friday.  Well things didn't go according to
schedule, the agency responsible for the quarterly updates was delayed, the
programmers had some serious technical problems and in fact we haven't
actually shipped either release as of yet.  As the dates started slipping I
had to loudly proclaim on more than one occasion that I would not be in the
office on 7/13.

So anyway here's Jeff getting out of bed on Friday the thirteenth at 6am,
three hours after he got into it so he can get down to Albany to catch the
8am train to NYC.  Traffic was surprisingly light - I normally get to
Albany between 8:30-9:00 and the exit to the train station is also the exit
to the state government building in Downtown Albany and can be backed up
for a couple of miles.  On that day and time however I didn't any problems
which was good since I had just gotten my tickets from the Quik-Trak
machine when they announced the boarding.

I made the mistake of sitting on the east side of the train so I had a
strobe effect going the whole way down.  At first I was experimenting with
my new digital camera so it didn't really bother me but it was distracting
later when I was trying to read a book.

I've alluded to my camera a couple of times here.  It's an Olympus 3040
with 3.3 megapixels resolution and an optical 3X zoom and can record 5
minutes of video with sound at low resolution.  They're just coming out
with some higher resolution cameras but the reviews haven't been all that
great, so this camera is pretty close to the top of the digital line
(unless you get into the truly ridiculous price tags).

I've wanted a digital camera for a while and it seemed like this would be
the perfect time to buy one since I expected to take a lot of pictures at
the con but when I seriously started researching them I decided that I
really couldn't afford to get what I wanted and it didn't make sense to
spend money on something I wouldn't be happy with. On Wednesday however I
got a check from my grandmother's estate (she had died last fall) and
decided that that meant that I had to get the camera so I did.

I made it to Penn Station and got a taxi to the hotel without incident. I
had pretty much accepted that I would miss the opening ceremonies as a
function of not having to get up even earlier and dealing with commuters
but it was a lot closer than I thought and I might have been able to see
much of it if I hadn't unsuccessfully tried to check-in first (the room
wasn't ready) and been misdirected to the mezzanine.

I finally made it to registration however and rapidly met
Loriterikathyshelia, but then found out that that they didn't have me
pre-registered.  I had signed up through the web site and had my
confirmation email with me so they put together a packet and made a badge
for me but as I found out when I got home my credit card hadn't been
charged and I haven't been able to get in contact with anyone who can take
my money.

Once we got the registration semi-straightened out I went into the banquet
room and talked to Suze and Pat Paone briefly and then went up to the
dealer room to bump a lot of people with my suitcase (I checked one bag
with the bellhops but kept the camera equipment with me) and then went back
to the front desk.  The room I reserved wasn't ready but they had another
one that was so they put me in that and it probably ended up being a better
room.  So I went up and looked through my goodies (he, he, he) until it was
time for the afternoon panels.

First up was Beast Bingo, a game created by Judy Loyd.  I manfully handled
two cards (balanced on the seat of the chair in front of me) but didn't
manage to win.  I forget what charity the proceeds went to; perhaps it was
the Helpers Above Tulsa's normal charity.  Between rounds and after I spoke
to the Con Virgin from Topeka whose name I can't remember. 

I think that this was the first year that they had the Con Virgin labels on
the badges?  A remarkably good idea.  The names on the badges need to be
larger however.  I'm like, "Why no madam, I'm not looking down your blouse,
I'm merely trying to read your name tag."  Fair warning - If I'm at another
con where the print is too small I'll be hanging my badge from my belt
buckle in retaliation.

So anyway, Panels.  Edward Albert was next with back to back Fan Club/Band
of Angels panels that was really one session.  I guess in past cons he's
been more upbeat and chatty, which he was at times, but overall he was more
introspective and for me, moving.  To paraphrase Jack Nicholson in "As Good
as It Gets", it made me wish I were a better man.  He talked about being
part of the group that helped increase the condor population and about his
family.  About a flock of butterflies that lit on him and his wife while on
an anniversary picnic.  About an auto accident he recently witnessed late
at night where he had to wave off oncoming traffic so that it didn't run
into the wreck.  And he talked about the woman whose life he saved near his
home, Samantha Dunn .  She is apparently writing a book about the
experience.  I don't see anything about it on the web currently, but
apparently this is the same woman who wrote the novel Failing Paris.  You
can read an article Ms Dunn wrote about the accident at
http://www.privatetraining.com/Back_In_The_Saddle_After_Tragedy.htm

And those of you who took Norwegian in High school should be able to pick
your way through this http://www.yogasenteret.no/samantha.html

Before the Foreign Fan panel started I talked to Kathy Battershell for
awhile.  Merry Christmas Kathy!  (with all the overtime she's doing for her
part time job it'll be Christmas before she actually reads this post).  The
panel was very interesting, five fans from various countries talked about
how the episodes were shown in their countries, different translations, the
voices used and then answered questions from the audience.  I was going to
talk to Marina afterwards but a couple of people jumped on her, so I
decided to do so later but sadly never got the chance.

I went back to my room after that and laid down for awhile until it was
time for the talent show.  There was a decent buffet set out which I made a
dent in since I had only eaten a couple of granola bars and an apple before
that.  I guess I'll let my photos describe the talent show/costume party,
http://www.capital.net/users/cardenj , click on the Gallery, and then
Special Report - 2001 B&B Convention in NYC for those not paying attention.
 The costume auction was very funny.  David and Jay were making up episodes
and characters for much of the clothing.  For instance, Earnie the Spackler
I think it was who went around spackling the tunnel walls had some sort of
shirt he wore that they were auctioning, but you didn't see him in many of
the episodes because he didn't wear pants.  Wish I could remember more but
I was really tired then and am really tired now so I'll sign off until next
time campers.

Jeff

7/25/01
Subject: Confessions of a Middle Aged Con Virgin Part 2
I don't know how Suze managed to sleep in; I had a maid knocking at my door
at 8:30 on Saturday.  I was actually up and doing some Tai Chi because my
knee had gotten stiff and sore on the train ride the day before but told
her through the door that I didn't really need anything but she could leave
another coffee packet.  So I get back into the "horse" stance and she
starts rapping again.  So I threw on a T-shirt and got it from her. 

There weren't any scheduled events until 10 so I went down shortly before,
collected my morning hug from Shellie and attended NovTek's How-to Music
Video panel.  It was interesting although I probably won't be making any
videos.  They played their video of Whitney Houston's Queen of the Night to
illustrate some of the points they were talking about and the video from
the opening ceremony, The Boy from New York City perhaps?  I know they
played that one at some point. 

So Becky came in and introduced herself after the panel ended and we went
up to the art room and looked around, signed the Friendship Quilt, and
browsed the dealer's tables for awhile.  The room was a bit nippy and since
she doesn't have my padding went back to her room to get a sweatshirt.
Shortly thereafter the food came so I jumped in line and ate and went back
to my room to get ready for the afternoon.

Back in the Banquet room I collected my afternoon hug from Shelia (Not that
I was counting or anything but I believe that I've hugged Shelia more than
I have my own mother), met up with Becky and attended Betty Neiswender's
miniature workshop.  Now I'm not really a doll person but these are very
meticulously done.  Betty had a number of dolls that she passed around and
had kits that you could buy to put together your own. She had a scrapbook
of photos that she passed around showing various miniature sets she has
built, I remember Catherine's apartment, and from when she visited the set
where they filmed the show.  Betty told a number of interesting stories
about the filming and the early days of fandom as well as talking about her
dolls so this was a very interesting session.

They started to get ready for the Q&A so we all stayed seated at the table
in the front of the room.  Basically at this point questions were asked and
answers were given.  Suze mentioned some of them.  One that I just recalled
was about Jay's appearances on the X-Files.  Apparently his character gets
decapitated and Jay talked about having to get a full-head mask done for it.

After the Q&A everyone went back to their rooms to get ready for the
Banquet.  Heading back down was when I first encountered the elevators from
Hades.  Prior to that you would press the button, the doors would open
after a few moments, you would get on and go to the floor you had pressed.
Starting Saturday night however that all changed.  You would wait and wait
and wait and an elevator might eventually come although it would look more
like a sardine can than an actually elevator.

So I headed done around 6 I guess since they had announced before the
talent show or perhaps the auction that they were going to start at 6:15.
NOTE TO FUTURE CON COMMITTEES:  It might be a good idea to have an
announcement board or something in the registration area to announce
schedule changes.  I know that there were a couple of panels added but I
didn't have anything to write them down when they were announced.

So anyway I leave my room and the door across the hall opens and a group of
English fans comes out and we go to the elevator and wait and wait
together.  Then one of the elevators open and there's Edward Albert
squished in with the twins and Karen Q, a bellhop and his cart and a few
other people.   So I smile and nod and Edward smiles weakly back and the
doors close.  The ladies were all atwitter about how they should have tried
to squeeze in next to Edward when "ding ding" the elevator opens and there
everyone is again.  Finally an elevator came along that wasn't too full and
we got downstairs just before the banquet room opened.

I sat with Becky and her friends Lissa and Kate.  Betty and Carol were at
our table as well as several other people whose names I can't remember.  A
string quartet was playing, several pieces including a part of Vivaldi's
Four Seasons.  We had the Summerfest Banquet opening and Suze and Becky
described.  NovTek played several videos during the main course including a
tribute to Beah Richards.  I think that one was done to a Loreena McKennitt
tune (Between the Shadows?) and possibly one of the other ones used a
different song of hers?  Anyway they were good but I felt it was kind of
awkward to show the videos during the meal.  Our table was in the back so
it was difficult to see the food with the lights off and I didn't really
want to have to split my attention anyway.

After dinner they showed the outtake video, see part three of Suze's Con
Report for a very detailed description of that.  And then came the
celebrity auction filled with more madcap hijinks with Dave and Jay.

And that was Saturday.

7/26/01
Shelia wrote:
>...
>Why Jeff, I'll take this as a compliment.  (I think!)

Humina, humina, humina that's right you are on this list.  My family isn't
very demonstrative so I suspect that I actually have hugged you more than
my mother (it's only been recently that my sister started making us pretend
that we're a normal family), but that's OK.  I'm not a hug connoisseur you
understand but I would have to say you're a great hugger yourself.

Jeff

7/31/01
Subject: Confessions of a Middle Aged Con Virgin, Part Fin.
Sunday was the last day of the con for me, I had to back and work, work,
work on Monday.  So I got up, got ready, packed, went down to the lobby and
checked out.  And if you believe that, you've never experienced the
Elevators from Hades. 

So I left the room about 9 I guess and dragged my bags to the elevator.
About 15 minutes later the English girls come along and I haven't even seen
a full elevator.  So we're waiting and this young couple and the guy's
mother comes along.  So the girls were all wearing B&B T-Shirts and one of
them was from an earlier con I think and said something about a family
reunion.  So this young mundane starts talking to us and says how great it
is that we're having a family reunion and tells her mother-in-law that they
should have one.  So we're trying to explain that we're not a genetic
family but a spiritual one (OK, I was busy trying not to laugh) which
segued into us being fans of the B&B Broadway musical because this woman
was quite sure of who and what we were.  Fortunately an empty elevator
finally came.

Despite all that I was still a little early for the celebrity brunch and
there was hardly anyone around but I saw Jackie up front and went to talk
to her and ended up sitting with a number of con committee members.  It was
fun to get a behind-the-scenes look at the con.  Like all dedicated people
though they were very concerned about the little things that didn't go
quite right.   I don't know as I was able to convince them that the
problems weren't all that noticeable and didn't really matter where they
were but I'm sure that as time goes by and the little imperfections fade
from their memories, they'll be left with the sense of helping to bring to
life something quite wonderful.  They attempted to find a way that I could
be part of that but since they didn't need a wilderness guide and there
weren't any plumbing, electrical, or computer problems to fix, and all the
heavy lifting would come after I had to leave, I was basically useless to
them.

At the end of the brunch there was another Q&A session with the
celebrities.   I can't remember any of the questions but I believe one
answer was 42.  After a short break, Edward auctioned off some of the items
he brought since he retired early the night before with back pain.  Then
Joann Baca and Lori Hicks conducted the art auction.  After ice cream was
served and the outtake video was shown again the closing ceremonies started.

First off was Sue Haley sign-singing a song.  Then Suze tells us the
celebrities were introduced although I don't really remember that part.
Then Becky and the Colorado Gang got up and presented Betty Neiswender with
the second Schwartzie, the first having gone to namesake David Schwartz the
previous year.  At that point some of the people from the next con to use
the hotel must have showed up, the Ragweed Growers Association, because my
allergies acted up and my eyes started to water.  No actually it was
officially announced that Mhyr would be retiring as MC and Jamie was very
emotional about it even though it was something he had to do.  Then David
had the con committee come up front to be applauded and then con volunteers
from all cons.  Then he played a Reggae? Version of Over the Rainbow that
he tried to make us sing along with.  I don't exactly recall what point he
was trying to make, maybe that we had no sense of rhythm or something.
Then we sang part of the Green Acres theme song to Edward's father Eddie
over the phone.  Then Olive introduced each of the con committee members
one by one but it was obvious that I wasn't paying attention since I
initially had a few wrong names on my webpage with the con photos.  Then
Aurea passed the torch (candle) to Lyn Mussachio the chairperson of next
year's con and we saw the promotional video for next years con. 

And that was the end of the con for me.  I said goodbye to Becky and didn't
see any other people that I was going to say goodbye to so I picked up my
bags from the bellhops and headed for Penn Station.  After figuring out
that the doorman was in front of the building (There's the door, there's a
man who works for the hotel but claims he doesn't speak English other than
to say that he doesn't speak English) I was able to get him to flag a cab
for me.  Once we got to Penn Station we played the "Oh all you've got is a
twenty" game but I was able to get away with a ten.

Penn Station was very crowded and muggy.  I had purchased tickets for the
5:30 train which was about when closing ceremonies ended but they were
unreserved coach and there doesn't appear to be very many reserved seating
trains going to Albany, especially later in the day so I didn't even
consider trying to change my ticket.  I had been thinking though that the
trains were leaving every hour and it was more like two so I probably
should have hung around awhile longer at the hotel.  When my company sent
me to NYC last February for orientation the guy from my office who started
at the same time had suggested that we eat at Hoolihans to pass the time
when we were waiting for the train then.  I tried to do the same thing this
time but they were packed but the Roy Rogers next door had a couple of
tables so I ordered a burger there but by the time I got it the tables were
taken, so I ate it at a kind of a standing lunch counter they had but it
was really, really hot there.  I ended up taking my soda and fries outside
and finished them while leaning against the building.

After I cooled down a bit and finished eating I went back in and found that
it was still hot and crowded.  This time though I noticed the waiting area
and even though the central area of the station was packed, the air
conditioned waiting area was relatively sparsely populated and there were
plenty of seats so I spent the rest of my wait in there reading.  Had a bit
of a fright when my train arrived.  They announced it for Track 6, Section
or something D.  So I took the stairs for Track 6 but found myself at B
whatever that was.   A group of people were walking along the platform and
got on that train so I got on behind them before the next group got there,
not knowing for sure that that was the right train.  There wasn't any
conductor around to ask but I did hear someone mention Poughkeepsie, which
is a stop along the way to Albany, so I figure that if I was on the wrong
train I would at least have company.  And after the train started they did
announce that this was the Albany train so I was able to relax.  Pretty
uneventful after that although they were shooting off fireworks before
Hudson so I got to see some out of the train window.  Got home at 11, just
in time to get ready for work the next day and go to bed.

Jeff