Chapter Thirteen
Darkness Accepted
Today of all days just had to be so busy that she had been forced to work until it was almost dark. She had wanted to knock off work early because she needed to go Below tonight to be with Vincent. On her way home she grabbed a quick bite–a New York hot dog–dropped off her briefcase and was soon walking through the tunnels. He met her halfway and, taking her hand, walked her to the Mirror Pool instead of his chamber. Seated on the edge with her feet dangling in the cool water, she told him of her hectic day and how she wanted to come down earlier than she did. As usual he was very understanding, "Any time you spend with me is worth the wait, Catherine."
He made her feel so good, taking away all the little hurts and distractions of her life, that impulsively she threw her arms around him and kissed him. "Oh, I wish I could spend all my time with you," she cried, snuggling into his warm embrace. Glancing up at him, she asked, "Some day?"
"Some day," he agreed as he returned her kiss.
Silently they sat watching the stars in the rippling water until he said, "Something is bothering you, Catherine. Can you tell me about it?"
She had been remembering the words of Paracelsus as he tried to kill her and wondering if she should tell Vincent. He would know that there was something bothering her, and although he would never press her to tell him, it could create a barrier between them. She took a deep breath and began, "Something that Paracelsus told me just flashed into my mind. Oh Vincent, he was such a liar, and we can’t know that what he told us has even a grain of truth in it, but I think I should tell you what he said. I don’t believe a word of it because I think he was trying to make me afraid of you. But at the same time I fear that it might hurt you and make you doubt yourself again."
"As long as I have your love and Father’s, I may be hurt but never broken. Now tell me what he said that is so unsettling to you." He turned her to face him so that he could look into her eyes as she told him. Her love was his foundation and would keep him anchored to the truth of whom he was in her eyes.
"He was trying to make me afraid of you," she repeated, "telling me you were different, not the Vincent I knew."
"All true at the time, Catherine."
"Maybe, but when he couldn’t make me fear you, he began to tell me why I should be afraid." She paused and took his hands. "This will hurt you."
"Go on," he nodded tensely.
"He said he was part of the group that had made you. That Anna stole you from the Institute and concocted the story about St. Vincent’s to protect him."
"From what I know of Anna that was something she would do. She loved him."
"He said that you were the only one to survive from the experience."
Stunned, he closed his eyes as she gripped his hands even tighter to keep him from bolting. "There were others?" he asked numbly.
"Yes, and he couldn’t understand why you survived. He could not believe that the lack of love killed the others. He thought it was because you were the strongest, but I know the real reason: you needed love, and with Anna loving you so much and giving you to Father who showered you with love, she saved you. For all that man’s knowledge . . . his intelligence, he didn’t understand the human heart and its need for love. Because of whom you are, you seem to have a greater need for love. It’s your life’s blood and to be deprived of. It would kill you even now."
"You see all this?" he asked hoarsely, the words almost choking in his throat. "And you believe all that he told you to be a lie?"
"Yes, but if it isn’t, what difference does it make? You are still Vincent: the man I love, the man Father looks upon as his own son, the man the community depends upon for truth and guidance, and the man the children love as a brother or a father."
"But the darkness?"
"Yes, oh yes!" She shook his hands fiercely. "You are who you are because of the darkness. Don’t you see, it is what defines you, what gives you the empathic powers you have, what makes you care and love so deeply. Without the darkness, you would not be the Vincent I love. It’s your cross and your glory," she poured all her love and conviction into her words, looking deeply in his troubled eyes. "Be proud of whom you are. You are special beyond measure," she said passionately.
He sat silently for some time, his head bowed, going over in his mind what she had said. It was true, the knowledge did hurt him, but when he examined his feelings, he found to his amazement that it didn’t hurt as much as it would have before this last incidence of Paracelsus’ madness. And whether the man had lied or not was immaterial to his present life. He was blessed with Catherine’s indomitable love, Father’s ever present care, and the respect of his family. Nothing else mattered.
As he moved away from her slightly, Catherine looked up into his eyes and found there the knowledge that he was worthy of her love shining in his eyes. Gently he pulled her back into his arms. She laid her head gratefully on his firm chest. Tears of release began to fall as the tension within her broke. "Oh, I love you so very, very much."
"You are my life, Catherine, and I can no more live without you than I can stop breathing." He raised her tear streaked face to his and captured her lips in a cherishing kiss. "Catherine, I have something to return to you. That is why I brought you to the Pool." He placed the crystal pendant around her neck.
With shining eyes, she held his love gift in her hand. "I’ve felt lost without this. Thank you. I hope it helped."
"It did. Whenever the other one would look at it, he would hear our voices. It helped to break down his trust in Paracelsus."
"I have something for you, too." She placed the ivory rose she had given him three years ago in his hand.
"My rose!" he exclaimed. "I thought it was lost, that Paracelsus had destroyed it. Where did you find it?"
"I noticed the first time when The Other came to my balcony that he wasn’t wearing it. I thought it was lost, too. While you were gone, I asked Mouse, Jonah, and Matthias to go back to that horrible place and see if they could find it."
"And they did. Where?"
"In Paracelsus’ chamber. He had a secret wall devoted to trophies representing all the evil things he had done. The rose was the centerpiece. His most precious trophy."
He agreed with a somber nod. "To have me in his control would have been his greatest victory."
"I’ve been waiting for the right time to give it to you." She placed the cord with its little homemade bag around his neck.
Opening the bag, he reverently replaced the rose, and gathering her to him, he nuzzled into the top of her head and murmured, "We have much to be thankful for, Catherine."
"Yes, with Paracelsus gone, we are safe and our world is safe." She nestled into his warm, loving embrace. Reaching up to caress his downy cheek, she murmured happily, "And you, my love, have been returned safely to me." With a heartfelt sigh, she burrowed deeper into his arms. Their long dark night was finally over, and the light of their love could blaze forth leading them into the future.
Fini