Path 2

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Path 2

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*
The attorney training was not enough to hide the alarmed distress that showed on Catherine’s face at those words.

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Re: Path 2

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Isaac held her gaze. Quietly he explained, "The Silks' women, our shotgun-toting ladies in leather? Seems they're nursing a pretty serious grudge about everything that happened that night. Word is they've hooked up with some close friends of Jason's. Splinter group, broke off from the Protectors after Jace...well, disappeared. That's the angle I want to know about." He stood up. "Now, I can help you, if you'll let me."
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Re: Path 2

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*
She bent her head. The petite frame all but vibrated with her frantic thinking. She looked at him again. “What about Lucy? Is she in danger?”

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Re: Path 2

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"I'm not sure," Isaac admitted. "I mean, if I thought she was in immediate danger, you and me would've already had this conversation a long time ago, and I'd have already done everything I could to help Lucy get out of there in once piece. As it is..." He sighed. "Look, I'm not hearing her name getting passed around out there--and you can be damned sure I'm not gonna be the one who draws anybody's attention her way. But like I told Lucy when I talked to her, there is a power vacuum in that neighborhood right now. The Silks' girls are the kind of women who will latch onto the biggest, baddest players they can find. The fact that Patricia and Cozy have started hanging out with a man called Red, and his people, tells me a lot about how things are starting to shake out on Broome Street. I do know that these ladies know who Lucy is, and where she lives, and that she helped their old gang's enemy escape. So far, all the rage seems directed at this nameless shadow who dismantled the Silks in a single night. I've been keeping my eyes and ears open for Lucy's sake, if not my own peace of mind. I think her level of danger might depend on whether these ladies ever decided that Lucy could lead them to Vincent. Vincent's the one they want to find. But with Red and company also taking a strangely personal interest in their hunt...well, that lit up some questions in my mind about my old friend Jace...and whether he might have gotten himself dismantled too. This is where I'm coming from, Cathy. This is the storm I see clouding up our sky."
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Re: Path 2

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*
The silence that followed was even devoid of Aretha’s voice, it was pure tension on Catherine’s part, while she connected the dots and got the horrifying picture. Finally, she cautiously asked, “And you said you can help… us?” He could catch the uneasiness of even pronouncing that simple pronoun. Strict habit of secrecy, huh? But the care for Lucy had given away enough.

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Re: Path 2

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*
Um... I don't think I'm able to involve Aretha's song ending in a simple/short way. Let's forget it? So that it would be:

The silence that followed was pure tension on Catherine’s part, while she connected the dots and got the horrifying picture. Finally, she cautiously asked, “And you said you can help… us?” He caught her uneasiness at pronouncing even that simple pronoun. Strict habit of secrecy, huh? But her concern for Lucy had given away enough.


---


The silence devoid of Aretha: Why? Did the record/cassette/compact disc end?

Suggestions:

The silence that followed was devoid of Aretha's voice.

"Even" is not needed, especially if a brief comment about the song ending is included.

It was pure tension on Catherine's part...

I think Catherine's silence stands better on its own, a sentence separate from the background (music-free) silence.

He could catch the uneasiness of pronouncing even that simple pronoun.

Move "even" and the statement flows better.

Also...

He caught her uneasiness with/at pronouncing even that simple pronoun.

Simplify Issac's verb like this and the statement more specific and direct, keeping Issac's narrative focus on the important elements of the moment: Catherine's emotion (uneasiness), her action (pronouncing), and the cautious self-disclosure of her identity in relation to Vincent (us).

But her concern for Lucy had given away enough.

Again, "her" makes it more specific to the context. I also think "concern" might be a better word than "care" in this instance because of the current relational distance between Catherine and Lucy. "Care" implies a degree of familiarity or personal investment that Catherine has not yet shown toward Lucy. It might be more applicable later if she gains Isaac's level of contact with Lucy: an actual introduction, a conversation, a note, or something. "Concern" feels more descriptive of her question about Lucy's safety. Not outright worry or anxiety yet, and not activated intervention, the way "care" can imply emotional or physical activity on a friend's behalf, but definite awareness of potential danger, still a little distanced from a woman she does not know in person, yet also an expression of compassion. "Care" might come into play later, as Catherine, et al, take action during the course of the story. A nuance thing. Make any sense?

______________________________________


"Yeah," he said softly. "I know we've crossed swords in the past about street law versus city law, but believe me when I say that I know how things work on the street. There are some problems that cops and D.A.s just can't touch, can't prevent, can't fix after the fact. I think you know that now. My interest here is keeping the peace and protecting the peaceable people who fall through the system's cracks. People like Lucy. And I'm thinking...some people who fall outside the system altogether. I can give people like that the kind of advice and support that saves lives." He turned toward one of his loft windows, gazing out at the blank gray sky. "I used to know Red pretty well. I might be able to talk with him. More important, I can listen, maybe diffuse some tension, maybe shield you from any more violence. If nothing else, I could give fair warning of anything Red and his new friends might try to do. But I need to know the whole truth about what I'd be walking into with him. He'll only give me his side of the situation, if things go well. And I cannot go in half blind." He looked at Catherine again.
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Re: Path 2

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*
“Isaac, I think you know already that… a decision about all this is not only mine do make, don’t you?”

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{"you know already" I mean - you are smart enough to imagine it. I don't know if it works in English, it's a common way of saying in Italian}
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Re: Path 2

Post by Zara »

{It works just fine in English, too. :) And the revised paragraph looks great.}

___________________

"Yeah," he said again. "I know. I just had to start by talking with you." He smiled his warm, chip-toothed smile at her. "He may be your friend, but you're mine. And so I care a lot about you and yours."
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Re: Path 2

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*
She looked at him with a strange look expression on her face. A hesitant smile started to twist her lips. “You can’t begin to understand how… good it feels to hear this, Isaac.”

--------------------

{how do you plan to continue? I mean – would it be possible to cut to the Central Park scene we have already written? Unless you prefer other developments, of course – for which I’m game}
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Re: Path 2

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If it's okay, I am rather enjoying the separate paths, where the characters are making slightly different choices. It would be quite possible to connect this scene with the Central Park branch; perhaps we'd end up doing that at a later revisioning stage. As it stands right now, though, in the Central Park tale this Isaac-Catherine conversation is left to the reader's imagination and the emphasis is on Isaac and Vincent connecting at a certain time, in a certain way, in a certain mood, with Catherine's direct guidance and support. Things might happen differently in this other story wherein Isaac's description of the situation on the Lower East Side has made so many fears and dangerous variables so explicit, and wherein Catherine is feeling so strongly the tension between conflicting commitments to people she cares about. Different atmospheres to play in.

Because it is implied in canon that meeting Vincent in a non-accidental way is an important (perhaps essential) part of Tunnelfolk culture, it might be interesting here in Path 2 to explore the issue of Isaac's nomination to the community as a potential friend or even a Helper, as well as the issue of meeting Lucy's needs, because Vincent already has a budding relationship with her and she has already gone through the "rite of passage" of seeing him up close and accepting him. After all, what is the "slow and gradual process by which people come to live" Below? What are some of those "very strict" rules about "who may come Down, and for what reason"? What, exactly, does the "Council" decide under ordinary circumstances, beyond offering someone in need some kind of sanctuary? How, exactly, do the Helpers and the Tunnel-dwellers relate to each other within their special subculture? The episodes never told us; they only showed us the various emergency exceptions to the rules, when Tunnels Law got bent, broken, or reinterpreted to accommodate extraordinary crises. Heck, we could even get into Catherine's community status if we wanted to, which was still quite nebulous in this part of Season One, especially after Father's (alas, notorious-in-fandom) statements to her in NWD.

Path 1 is feeling more direct-action-oriented so far, wherein the relationships are more important to the story than any rules or consequences. More doing, less exposition. So: atmospheres.

We might need to ponder such things together in the Talks section. :)

Writerly note: You have two "looks" in your first sentence. One regarding visual action and the other referring to facial expression. The English is good, but the repetition caught my readerly attention, made me notice the words instead of the story. Just an observation.

______________________________________________



Isaac only nodded. "Friends do for each other," he said.
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Re: Path 2

Post by 222333 »

{sorry - bad flu, I'm back now}

*
“You know, Isaac, sometimes... I wonder if all the pieces of my life will ever fit together again," Catherine quietly said, absently looking around her teacher’s loft with its paraphernalia. "No,” she added after a moment, “actually, what I’m wondering, especially of late, is if I am fit for this… new life I chose for myself.”

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Re: Path 2

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{oooch. I am sorry you have been ill! Flu is awful. *offers gentle hugs and steaming tea*}

________________________________________________________



"You worried that you and your pieces are too big for the life...or too small?" Isaac asked.
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Re: Path 2

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{cough... cough... }

*
She thought over it for a little while. “I guess… just too different.”

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Re: Path 2

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Isaac nodded, understanding. "My grandad used to say that life has its seasons, and we've got to pass through them all, whether we like it or not. When one season changes over to the next, all we get to decide is whether we're gonna change with it, or try to stay the same as we were before. Neither choice is easy to make. But the ability to choose even the least little thing is what gives human beings our power and dignity." He rested a kind hand on her shoulder. "If I can suggest one thing? Just don't get stuck letting happenstance make all your choices for you. If you're starting to think your pieces are too different to fit inside your new life...well, it's never too late to pick a different life and try that out for a while."
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Re: Path 2

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*
“I had a different life, Isaac. Before that April night. Where happenstance was my lead. No, I gratefully choose this complicated new life. I can’t remember a time when I felt as good or complete as I do right now. I just… need to learn to fit.”

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