The Conversation Draft 1

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Re: The Conversation Draft 1

by 222333 » Fri Nov 22, 2013 5:17 am

"Those words, Catherine... those words are burned in my heart. Come back to me, you said. It was unexpected. That was the moment I felt I was not mine any more. My loyalty was not to the tunnels only. Everything was still so new. And I did want to come back to you, in that moment you gave me an incredible new perspective. I have been very, very careful ever since, much more than before. And… I risked my life for you, time and again, gladly, as you have become the most important part of my life, no matter what the… obligations to my tunnel life were. Ask Father… his hair has become grayer at an increased pace since we met. That’s what I ask of you too. To become the most important part of your life. Not because you are willing to give your life for me, I’m fed up with protection and feeling safe and people worrying for me! I want to feel that whatever you do, you first think – what would Vincent want me to do? That’s what I want. And I feel ashamed to want it, to ask it of you! That’s too much… too much… for anyone, and especially for a child of darkness like I am. You are not yet ready to do it, your life in the light – in the freedom to think and do and decide on your own, to risk and rush into whatever you deem worthy – comes first. What you really want of me, Catherine, is to join our bodies. I do too… oh, you can’t even imagine how much I want it. But what I really want of you, my love, is to join our souls, first. Or I will be forever trapped in a hunger devouring me, forever depending on your willingness to allow me yourself when and if your… obligations do not 'override your heart'. That’s why I’m hesitant to… move forward."

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Re: The Conversation Draft 1

by Maclurv » Thu Nov 21, 2013 8:28 am

"Then tell me Vincent, if I had asked you not to face the Tong alone, would you have listened and acted on that wish? My heart was crying out for you not to go alone, one against so many. Sometimes our obligations override our hearts - you have obligations to those you love Below and the safety of your refuge; I have obligations to those I help through my work Above. So we do what we must and we do what we can to make those occasions safer. But you are correct: our lives are not just our own anymore. And that's why I want to move forward, to join my life, my love, with yours. To be separately together, that is no life for either of us, Vincent. After all this time, why can't we move forward?"

Re: The Conversation Draft 1

by 222333 » Wed Nov 20, 2013 2:00 pm

*
“Catherine, I have been hearing all this all my life. Protection. Keep you safe. That's what a parent can say, not a partner. We both must learn it: and we did, the hard way, didn’t we? Paracelsus was long ago; you almost died that time, and Winslow gave his life for our love to live. Yes, last April night you acted on what your heart told you. And I lost you. You died. I felt you go. No, you shouldn’t act on what your heart tells you… if my heart does not agree. Yes, we both would risk our lives for the other. But we must remember that our lives are not ours only… not any more.”

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Re: The Conversation Draft 1

by Maclurv » Wed Nov 20, 2013 10:24 am

"That's not fair, Vincent." Catherine sighed. "You tell me to face my fears. You tell me I have the strength inside me, the courage. And then when we are threatened, when it could be you who would most be in danger, I shouldn't act on what my heart tells me I must do for your protection?" She looks straight into his eyes. "What are we to do when we each desire to protect each other, when conflicting ideas about how we can do that come up? I have to live here Above, deal with him Above in order to protect you Below. I can't let him control what I do - that is what he wants, what would give him the upper hand. I will do what I must to keep you safe. Even if it risks my life. I would give everything for you. You've known that since Paracelsus kidnapped me. And I know you would do no less for me, have done even. And when you asked me to come Below that night, I heard in that simple request the desire to protect me, not that you needed me. You are a man of few words, Vincent. Sometimes it is hard to understand what you meant."

Re: The Conversation Draft 1

by 222333 » Wed Nov 20, 2013 8:44 am

*
"But I did ask! And you replied I can’t. I can’t let him do that to me. I can’t!"

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Re: The Conversation Draft 1

by Maclurv » Wed Nov 13, 2013 9:09 am

"I'm sorry, Vincent, if I was not there for you when you needed me. The Bond does not work for me as it does for you; I don't feel all the emotions in you that you do in me. But if you had asked, I would have been there. I try to understand your fears, what you have shared so far with me, yet I wonder if you don't hold back because you think it would frighten me or turn me away. I tell you that to me you are beautiful, inside and out, and I feel that you dismiss that as my not wanting to listen or understand. That's wrong, Vincent. What I want you to believe, what I need you to believe, is that I have faith in my love for you. There is truly nothing about you that I could discover that would make me stop loving you. If you could believe that, then you could share with me all your fears and we could work through them together. You say your worst fears have proved true. Please tell me what those are, help me understand. If you fear losing me through choice, that is not true, it will never happen; if you fear losing me through death, I share the same fear for you. We both take risks Vincent. I am trying to take better risks in my work, and if there is a way to lessen the risks, I will take it. But you take risks, too, and much is expected of you by those you love, to protect the only home you can have. That is a part of you that I have to accept if I choose to love you. So I accept it; it doesn't mean that I don't worry, or wish it could be different. I know you struggle with understanding what you are. I know I don't have the answer. I only know I love you, whatever you are. You are the man for me Vincent; destiny brought us together because we are meant to be together. Believe that. Accept that. I promise to be there for you whenever I know you need me; if you ask, I will be there."

Re: The Conversation Draft 1

by 222333 » Wed Nov 13, 2013 7:51 am

*
Vincent sighed inwardly, in frustration. He looked at her. That’s his Catherine, her wonderful passion at its best… and at its worst. Doggedly launched towards her goal, no obstacles powerful enough to stop her… not even himself. Was she listening at all? He was baring his soul, at her request, painstakingly spreading his fears, his doubts, his weakness in front of her, begging to address them… and her reply was… “I”. I’m not scared, I’m in love. I want to be with you. There’s no sacrifice that I haven’t already made. I. He tried again. “Catherine, I know you are not scared. It’s me who needs to be reassured – and not about your love, but about what I am. There’s no sacrifice you haven’t already made? Ask you to come Below tonight? Why didn’t you come Below when I mostly needed it? I spent that night in agony – all of my limits, all of my darkness, all of my powerlessness raging in me, whispering me that I’m no man for you! I needed you to dispel them! And I almost lost you! To your free decision to be strong, to face your fears. But my worst fears proved true. We share what we can of our worlds? But love is about sharing heart, spirit, will, choices… fears, in order to share worlds. Will you freely say yes… until you freely decide that you won’t?”

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Re: The Conversation Draft 1

by Maclurv » Tue Nov 12, 2013 6:21 pm

"Maybe we need to decide what being together means for each of us. I know I don't want you to love me from the shadows. I don't need you to walk the streets with me in daylight, Vincent. I loved last Halloween when were able to stroll the city together, and I could show you my favorite spots. I love it when you show me your world. That's as it should be; we share what we can of our worlds. You once told me I was a woman of both worlds, and I agree. I agree that a part of me needs Above to contribute to that world that needs so much help, and another part of me needs you and the world Below, my family. There is no sacrifice for me that I haven't already made, Vincent. We both have jobs, the need to have a purpose in life. That wouldn't change, no matter the work we end up doing. But we both have nights, Vincent. Why can't that change? Why can't I be with you at night, whether Above or Below? I'd spend my nights with you Below if you'd let me. I'm not scared, Vincent. I'm in love. I want to be with you. So ask me to come Below tonight. I will freely say yes."

Re: The Conversation Draft 1

by 222333 » Tue Nov 12, 2013 2:54 pm

*

“I don’t know what being together means for us, like you didn’t. I knew your heart, yes. Told you, your love is a shining truth that illuminates my life. I knew you wanted to be with me. But you went back Above, and I stayed Below, in the shadows. Remember my vows to your father? I will love you ‘til my last breath. But I can only love you from the shadows. Yes, you are right, love requires sacrifice. A great sacrifice. Why are you saying that we never talk about it? We did talk. We talked of fear, and yes, of sacrifice. Remember what you said? That you are not scared. Oh, Catherine, don’t you understand? It’s me who is scared, not you. Scared that you can consider your lot, the sacrifice, too great, precisely as you did that time. I have been in turmoil all the time you were Below, in my world, getting to know it as you never did before. Hoping. Afraid to hope. You… bestowed on my lips a little thank you kiss... before turning, and going away. To your world, a world apart from mine. I don’t remember how long I stayed there, lips tingling, looking at the shaft of light where you disappeared. Where you had the right to disappear. What could I have said? I don’t want you to go back? I had already said it. And no, no! It’s not about Above or Below. It’s about my right to say: Come Below tonight – and your freedom to reply: No, you stay Below, I won’t, I must face my fears…we’re alone in this – remember? Do I have that right? Do you have that freedom?”

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Re: The Conversation Draft 1

by Maclurv » Mon Nov 11, 2013 8:50 am

Catherine turned away from Vincent and sighed. It seemed to her that Vincent always grasped any reason he could to keep the distance between them. “Context, Vincent,” she said. “ You knew my heart, you knew the confusion my father’s death created in me. You had to know through the Bond that I spoke the truth about wanting to be with you. What wasn’t clear to me was how we could be together.” She turned again to face him. “Vincent, I feel as if we are engaged in some elaborate dance where we come close to sharing what is real and then back off again, never talking about it. What does being together mean to you? Must we be all Above or all Below? Is it where we are to be together that keeps this distance between us, or is it something else?”

Re: The Conversation Draft 1

by 222333 » Mon Nov 11, 2013 5:35 am

*
“All we need to do is accept that choice,” he echoed. “What about second thoughts?” And their conversation of just a few weeks before flashed in both of their minds: “I want to live in your world. I don’t want to go back.” – “I don’t want you to go back.”

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Re: The Conversation Draft 1

by Maclurv » Sun Nov 10, 2013 6:52 pm

"Remember when I came back from my friend, Nancy's? I realized then that love is worth everything, and you agreed." Catherine paused before continuing, organizing her thoughts. "Love requires sacrifice, Vincent. If it didn't, there would be no reason to bond to one person over someone else. All we can do is be honest and open with each other, so that our choices are made in understanding. If we do that, then all we need do is accept that choice. I understood when you rescued me in the park that secrets would be a part of my life. I accepted that with my promise to keep your secret safe. Believe me when I say there is no burden to loving you, no life I can't live that I want to live. The life I want is with you." She looked squarely at Vincent. "The question I have for you is, what life do you want?"

Re: The Conversation Draft 1

by 222333 » Sun Nov 10, 2013 5:42 pm

*
“Oh, no, not your love. It fills me with awe, and gratitude. It’s the commitment. The burden you bear, daring to love me. The secret, the silence, the life you can’t live. Accepting that… is hard.”

Re: The Conversation Draft 1

by Maclurv » Sun Nov 10, 2013 5:45 am

"How could accepting my love be frightening for you, Vincent?" Catherine asked.

Re: The Conversation Draft 1

by 222333 » Sun Nov 10, 2013 3:40 am

*
He closed his eyes for the briefest instant, then came his slow reply, “Yes, I do. And it’s an elating… and frightening thought.”

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