Path 1

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Re: Path 1

by 222333 » Sun Sep 04, 2016 10:38 pm

*
Of course. King Arthur. Who else is to be evoked in this night of knights? Catherine could not help the capricious thought and the impulse to... But once more she curbed her protecting instincts to shut up and leave to her shadowy Lancelot to deal with the improbable black Perceval. Nobody like him knew what a nuanced nobleness meant.

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Re: Path 1

by Zara » Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:47 pm

"My first priority is to keep Lucy from getting caught in that storm. Maybe we can work together to give her any help she's willing to accept from us. And in that regard, we can do a lot for her, and for each other." Isaac gazed steadily at Vincent. "But before we get into any details," he said slowly, quietly, "I want to know what's happened to my friend, Jason Walker. He's missing. Do you know anything about him?"

Re: Path 1

by 222333 » Wed Jan 20, 2016 3:49 am

*
A little smile spread on Vincent’s lips, as he cast down his eyes. “… that bud and bloom in Paradise,” he murmured. “Yes, that means something. That she’s ready to accept help, I think.” He looked at him. “You said to Catherine that a storm is brewing. What can we do, Isaac?”

.

Re: Path 1

by Zara » Tue Jan 12, 2016 8:39 am

Isaac nodded. "I think so. But she's very alone out there in a war zone, and I don't like that. I'd like to help her, if I can. She wants to see you. She told me: 'Once in a dream I saw the flowers.' She wants to see the flowers again. Does that mean anything to you?"

Re: Path 1

by 222333 » Fri Mar 06, 2015 4:24 am

*
"Lucy! Is she well?"

.

Re: Path 1

by Zara » Wed Mar 04, 2015 9:07 am

Vincent glanced at her as she set her ambivalence aside, but he said nothing to her about it. She did not doubt that Isaac noticed. He was watching both of them closely. But Isaac only nodded his acknowledgement of Vincent's reassurances and said to him, "There's a lady by the name of Lucy who asked me to get in touch with you."

Re: Path 1

by 222333 » Fri Feb 27, 2015 1:54 am

*

Catherine opened her mouth to reply, but Vincent’s soft voice came first, “I’m sorry if you feel uncomfortable here, Isaac, but please rest assured: it’s safe. I can feel any danger coming long before it’s close.” Catherine shut her mouth. Okay, Chandler. Take a back seat and relax. These two don’t need any supervision from you. She filed away for later review the strange mixed feeling of relief and disappointment.


.

Re: Path 1

by Zara » Thu Feb 26, 2015 7:35 pm

Try:

But, like lifting the visor metamorphosed over the centuries into the military salute...

or

But, like lifting the visor in past centuries metamorphosed into the military salute...

For clarity.

_______________________________________________


They released each other, but the powerful fellowship between them remained. Isaac glanced at Catherine. "So," he said. "Is this a good place to talk, or did you two have some other destination in mind?"

Re: Path 1

by 222333 » Wed Feb 04, 2015 1:53 am

{yes, they are beautiful, aren't they?}

*
A simple gesture. But, like lifting the visor in centuries metamorphosed into the military salute, extending a bare hand showing the fellow knight that no harm was meant metamorphosed into the common hands shaking. And tonight, those everyday gestures recovered their ancient, profound truth. Vincent's hand was not bare, it was a weapon itself. Respect, friendship, trust bared it for Isaac. He took and shook Isaac's hand. "Vincent."

--

please feel free to update the clean copy until now, all corrections ok for me. I'm not completely well yet and despite the tunnels are strongly calling, so that I'm here, other real life duties need to catch up...

Re: Path 1

by Zara » Thu Jan 29, 2015 7:00 am

{My friend: that was simply beautiful.]

_______________________________________________



Isaac took it all in. The warrior strength in those clawed hands. The intrinsic grace of those simple movements. The courage it took to bare that face to a stranger. He looked Vincent dead in the eye and stepped forward, extending his battlescarred hand in respectful friendship, the way he would offer his hand to anyone, the way he had once greeted Catherine Chandler on the day they had met. "I'm Isaac Stubbs," he said.

Re: Path 1

by 222333 » Tue Jan 27, 2015 7:49 am

*
Vincent accepted Isaac’s calm scrutiny, and then, unhurriedly, he let his hands appear from under the cloak folds. No gloves. When they were fully visible, he lifted them and with deliberate movements pushed his hood back. Catherine couldn’t help thinking of an ancient knight lifting the visor of his helmet to salute a noble fellow knight. The beauty of what she had the privilege of watching deeply struck her.

.

Re: Path 1

by Zara » Thu Jan 22, 2015 5:59 am

Bah. I keep missing those cues of movement. C'mon, Zara-brain: lookit!

No, you're fine. I'll edit mine.

Hmmm. At second glance, maybe "aside" could be replaced by "along" in your paragraph where Catherine murmers Vincent's name. Or, if you like "side" in the wording, try "to each side of the pathway," or "to either side of the pathway." Or even just "beside" or "alongside..."

"Aside" has a connotation of "moving away from" or "being separated from" rather than bordering or being next to something.

Cf: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/aside

The only change I would recommend for the newest paragraph is to add "as" to the last sentence, thus:

An immediate, powerful understanding was so evident between them as to seem almost palpable.

Pesky little conjunctions. But they stitch the language together.

__________________________________________________


After a long moment's consideration, Vincent said to Isaac, "You teach and protect people." Nodding, Isaac answered, "You do the same." In the dim light, he studied what he could see of Vincent's face. Catherine wondered what he saw there.

Re: Path 1

by 222333 » Wed Jan 21, 2015 9:58 am

*
He came close, with slow and fluid steps. His hood covered his hair, not his face, visible as much as the surrounding darkness allowed. Catherine opened her mouth, to say something, to introduce the two men, to make things as easy as possible… but a sudden baffling sensation stopped her. No need. She watched, fascinated, as Isaac and Vincent looked at each other. An immediate, powerful understanding was so evident between them to seem almost palpable.

.

{take a look at the words in red in last paragraphs - shall I delete "and came to a stop"?}

Re: Path 1

by Zara » Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:28 am

The wording works okay, I think. Maybe "startled" is closer to the thought you wished to convey. But "scared" in this context can infuse a little humor-by-way-of-mild-overstatement into the scene, knowing Isaac and Catherine as we do...

On to the bulky shadow appearing... :D

_____________________________________

In response to her soft query, a tall, bulky shadow emerged from behind the trunk of a tree that grew on the left side of the path. Isaac and Catherine stopped walking as Vincent's low, calm voice replied, "I'm here."

~*~

In response to her soft query, a tall, bulky shadow emerged from behind the trunk of a tree that grew on the left side of the path. Isaac and Catherine turned toward the shadow as Vincent's low, calm voice replied, "I'm here."

Re: Path 1

by 222333 » Wed Jan 21, 2015 2:44 am

*
Catherine’s pace slowed down and came to a stop. She looked around, scanning the shadows aside along the pathway. “Vincent?...” she murmured.

.

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