by Zara » Thu Jan 22, 2015 5:59 am
Bah. I keep missing those cues of movement. C'mon, Zara-brain: lookit!
No, you're fine. I'll edit mine.
Hmmm. At second glance, maybe "aside" could be replaced by "along" in your paragraph where Catherine murmers Vincent's name. Or, if you like "side" in the wording, try "to each side of the pathway," or "to either side of the pathway." Or even just "beside" or "alongside..."
"Aside" has a connotation of "moving away from" or "being separated from" rather than bordering or being next to something.
Cf:
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/aside
The only change I would recommend for the newest paragraph is to add "as" to the last sentence, thus:
An immediate, powerful understanding was so evident between them as to seem almost palpable.
Pesky little conjunctions. But they stitch the language together.
__________________________________________________
After a long moment's consideration, Vincent said to Isaac, "You teach and protect people." Nodding, Isaac answered, "You do the same." In the dim light, he studied what he could see of Vincent's face. Catherine wondered what he saw there.
Bah. I keep missing those cues of movement. C'mon, Zara-brain: lookit!
No, you're fine. I'll edit mine.
Hmmm. At second glance, maybe "aside" could be replaced by "along" in your paragraph where Catherine murmers Vincent's name. Or, if you like "side" in the wording, try "to each side of the pathway," or "to either side of the pathway." Or even just "beside" or "alongside..."
"Aside" has a connotation of "moving away from" or "being separated from" rather than bordering or being next to something.
Cf: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/aside
The only change I would recommend for the newest paragraph is to add "as" to the last sentence, thus:
[color=#0000BF]An immediate, powerful understanding was so evident between them[/color] [b][color=#BF0000]as[/color][/b] [color=#0000BF]to seem almost palpable. [/color]
Pesky little conjunctions. But they stitch the language together.
__________________________________________________
After a long moment's consideration, Vincent said to Isaac, "You teach and protect people." Nodding, Isaac answered, "You do the same." In the dim light, he studied what he could see of Vincent's face. Catherine wondered what he saw there.