MAMMA MIA! -
An homage to Joe Maxwell's Italian roots, performed by Cecilia (Joe), Sobanme (Joe's Mom and Aunt, offstage) and Annik (Catherine)
A desk with a telephone, Joe sitting at it, C perched on a corner, a heated
discussion about... ??? work, of course. The telephone suddenly rings. Joe looks
at it, alarmed, he looks at Catherine.
J - Shoot! The hotline!
C - Do you have anything hot right now? A witness in danger?
J - I don't know. Maybe the Taylor case?
C - Hunter escaped from prison.?
J - . Maybe they killed the hostage in the supermarket. (he answers) Maxwell,
here.
M - Ciao Joe!
J - Mom?!?
M - Come stai?
J - I'm fine. But WHY are you using the hotline?
M - Perché il centralino non mi fa parlare con te.
J - If I instructed the
switchboard not to put calls through, that means that I'm busy, yeah? I gave you
this number when you were in the hospital, but you should NOT use it for... oh,
never mind. What is it? Everything alright over there in Italy?
M - Benissimo. Tu mangi? Hai finito le lasagne?
J - Lasagne?
M - Sì, le lasagne che ti avevo lasciato.
J - Mom, you went to visit
our relatives for one month, and have left me lasagne for THREE months, even if
I eat it every day, twice a day! No, I did not finish your lasagne, I will never
manage to finish your lasagne! Okay, if you're fine, be well, good b...
M - Tu mangi troppo poco, figlio mio, mi fai preoccupare
J - No, mum, I eat enough, don't worry. I'm ok, enjoy your vacation.
M - Ti metti la maglia di lana?
J - What wool thermal shirt,
it's JULY! (to Catherine) Cathy... ahem... you can go, we can talk later on.
C - Forget it, I'm not going to miss this! Please take your time...
M - Ma c'è Catherine lì con te?
J - Oh, God, yes, Cathy is
here with me.
M - Quella che ho conosciuto quando sono venuta a trovarti in ufficio?
J - Yes, the one you met when you came to visit me here in my office.
M - Passamela che la saluto.
J - But why do you want to
say hi to her?
M - Passamela!
J - Catherine, Mom wants to speak with you. (quite embarrassed, handing her the
microphone)
C - Hallo, Mrs Maxwell?
M - Hallo, Catherine, how are you? (poor English pronunciation)
C - I'm very well, thank you. So, you're spending a vacation in Italy?
M - Yes, I came to visit the relatives, every now and then we have to. And Italy
is sooo beautiful, after so many years I still feel homesick. Listen, when will
you marry my son?
C - I beg your pardon?
M - Yes, all these relatives want to come to the wedding, I have to tell them in
plenty of time.
C - (to Joe) Joe, you and I are going to marry?
J - Whaaaaat? Gimme. (trying
to grab the microphone)
C - (enjoying the thing way too much) Noooo, wait a minute! Mrs Maxwell. It's
Joe who told you that we are going to marry?
M - Nooo, Joe?! He
never says anything to me, but I know him well, honey. He has got a terrible
crunch. ahem. crush on you. and he is such a goood boy.
C - Joe, you've got a crush on me?
J - Give-me-that-phone! (he wrenches the microphone from her hands, while she
laughs to tears) Mum, you are tying up a New York City emergency line. If you're
fine, I'm fine, be well, now I've to go back to wor...
M - Ti passo la zia Elvira che ti vuole salutare!
J - No, don't pass the phone
to aunt Elvira, I have no tim...
Z - Ciao Joe!
J -Ciao zia Elvira, come stai? (horrible Italian)
Z - Well, thank you. You know, I am studying English, let us speak in English,
so I can practice it a little. (pronunciation and grammar even more horrible)
J - Aunt Elvira, you can't want to practice your English with me NOW??
Z - What? Speak more slowly.
J - You can't pretend... oh, God!
Z - So, Joe, the girl that speaked before is your fiancée?
J - No, she-is-not-my-fiancée! Radcliffe, don't you have anything to do at your
desk??
C - Lots of things, and you know that better than anyone else, but they can wait.
Go ahead. who is your fiancée?
Z - Please, Joe, remember to let us know in time, we will come all of us to the
marriage. Your mamma said that she is such a good girl. And beautiful. And rich!!
J - What? What? The line is bad! I can't hear anything! Hallo? Hallo?
(microphone on the cradle, head dropping on the desk)
J - (to Catherine) Don't-say-a-word! Don't dare to say a single word! (he rises
to go)
C - (still chucking) Where are you going?
J - To dig a hole to disappear underground!
C - (following him and exiting after him) Wait, I can help you!
Written by Sobanme