Rosemarie Hauer's SUNLIGHT
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CHAPTER SIX
Catherine closed her eyes. The vibrations were incredibly strong in here. Her skin tingled as if she were passing through under a high voltage wire. Suddenly she felt Vincent’s hand on her arm. “Come,” he said, picking up one of the lanterns. “There’s more.” Vincent lead the group to an adjoining chamber. The brilliance in there was even more overwhelming than that of the outer one. “Such beauty,” Joshua whispered, completely spellbound. “In ancient tradition quartz crystals were often referred to as the ‘veins of the earth’, frozen water or frozen light,” Vincent explained in a low voice that sent a tremor through Catherine. “They are formed naturally from the elements silicon and water through a lengthy process involving heat and pressure. They are buried in the earth, usually where the rock is sandstone in nature, or sometimes in streambeds where they have washed down from higher ground after they have been dislodged. Varieties of quartz crystals are found all over the world. Currently, the largest numbers of extremely fine crystals are being mined in Catherine and Rebecca listened with rapt attention, but Joshua interjected teasingly, “Always the encyclopedia. What would we do without you, my friend?” Vincent returned Joshua’s grin and continued unperturbed, “Their natural formation features six sides or facets with a point on one end, or sometimes on two ends. Quartz crystals can be both clear and colored. Each color has its own rate of vibration particular to it and different attributed characteristics and powers.” Joshua left for a moment and came back with a lantern for each of them. “They don’t look the same without light,” he explained as he handed a lantern to everyone. “What’s this?” Rebecca asked and pointed at a large piece of clear crystal which had in it golden fibers. “That is rutilated quartz,” Vincent replied. “Those fibers are Titanium. Sometimes they are copper colored.” “Beautiful,” Rebecca said with admiration. Joshua stepped behind her. “Aren’t they also called ‘angel hair’?” he asked quietly, winding a strand of her hair around his finger. Vincent smiled at him indulgently. “That’s right,” he replied, casting Catherine a fond smile. She couldn’t help but notice that Vincent was at peace here, as if he felt completely at home among all these crystals. It was as if the vibrations of the energy in the room interacted with his life force in a way that seemed to sustain him miraculously with additional strength and clarity. His eyes were still on her as he seemed to follow her train of thought. Then he spoke again and she had to make an effort to follow his words. “Not only do the crystals amplify body energy but thoughts as well. They create power and clarity in thinking. They enable thoughts to more effectively influence matter. With our thoughts we can focus energy precisely where we desire. With the crystal we can use this ability for healing. The crystal is a corridor between the physical dimension and the dimensions of the mind. We can use it to communicate with minerals, plants and animals.” He paused and his voice grew even lower as he added, “Some say crystals help them to talk to angels or spiritual teachers who aren’t incarnated and who have great wisdom to impart.” “So that’s your secret,” Joshua said, poking Vincent’s side playfully. “I’ve used crystals for healing, yes,” Vincent responded evasively. “The crystal enables the metaphysical mind to direct the physical body to repair and balance itself. Thus, the crystal can be a vehicle through which the physical and metaphysical become united.” “Hey,” Joshua interrupted him. “Could you slow down a bit so that us mere mortals can follow your teachings?” Vincent chuckled softly. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I’m afraid I got carried away.” “I’ll say,” Joshua remarked, placing one arm around his shoulder. Vincent didn’t seem inclined to say any more at the moment, so Catherine contented herself with wandering about and admiring the beauty of the quartz crystals. “You love them.” Vincent’s voice startled her a little since she’d been so absorbed with the gems before her eyes. “I do,” she replied, locking her gaze to his. “This place gives you peace,” she stated in a whispered voice. “And sanity,” he breathed. Catherine raised her hand as if to touch him, but suddenly she felt strangely shy about him. With a swift motion he captured her fingers and pulled them to his lips. Then he drew her into his arms and simply held her close, making her feel as if her own life force swirled through the air like the vibrations of the crystals, to meet and merge with his. *
That night when Catherine went to sleep she dreamed of a dark-haired
woman in a scarlet dress. Her arms were restrained by a rope, and someone
slowly lowered her into a narrow shaft. There was light at the bottom of the
shaft, so she followed the woman, curious to see what would happen to her.
Catherine’s heart stopped as the woman rounded a corner and disappeared into
Vincent’s chamber. Catherine remained outside, hesitating to actually follow
her, but then she couldn’t stand it any longer and entered. She caught sight of
two bodies in a passionate entanglement of arms and legs, and the sounds of
ardent lovemaking made her stomach churn.
The scene shifted and Catherine found herself searching for Vincent. When she found him at last, he didn’t recognize her. She woke up disorientedly, and it took her a while to remember where she was. She rubbed her eyes with the backs of her hands and found herself face to face with Vincent as he regarded her solemnly. “You didn’t sleep well,” he observed. “No, I didn’t,” she said truthfully, glancing at Rebecca’s and Joshua’s sleeping forms on the opposite side of the fire place. “Did you have a bad dream?” Vincent asked with concern. “I was searching for you,” she replied evasively. For some reason she was reluctant to tell him about the woman in the scarlet dress. Vincent lowered himself to sit beside her. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. She raised her eyebrows in puzzlement. “Why?” “Because in a way I am hiding from you,” he confessed quietly, his gaze riveted to the floor. Catherine got up on her knees and brushed back the strands of long hair he was hiding behind in order to look at him. He raised his head and met her gaze at last. Wordlessly they stared at each other for long uncounted moments. Finally he rose to his feet, bringing her with him. Her heart skipped a beat as he pulled her close. She leaned into him, laying her head on his chest. His palm was warm against her skin as he gently massaged the nape of her neck. Suddenly she felt his lips nibbling intimately just below her ear. A wave of intense emotions washed over her and she sighed. “You want this,” he rasped. It was a statement, not a question, and the thickness in his voice betrayed his astonishment. He lowered his head and brushed his lips against hers. The contact was brief, all too brief, and as he pulled back she opened her eyes, encountering the wonderment in his gaze. Quickly she rose on tiptoes to kiss him back, the friction of their bodies causing a delicious tingle inside her. This time, he didn’t pull back. He held her very tightly against his body and met her lips with the same hungry desperation she felt rising within herself. His abandon elated her and she parted her lips in invitation. There was a brief pause of hesitation before she could feel his tongue probing gently. Finally he gave himself to the kiss, and she became acutely aware of every plane and angle of his hard, male body against hers. She moved tentatively against him and his gasp made her wonder if she was taking this too far. She remembered what he had said about the necessity to be on guard, to remain in control of himself. Tenderly she caressed his throat and pressed a lingering kiss there. When she looked up, she could see that his eyes were squeezed shut and that he was struggling for composure. She cupped his cheek with her hand. “Look at me, Vincent,” she whispered. He complied wordlessly, and the anguish in his eyes stabbed her heart. “Not yet,” he rasped breathlessly. “We are moving too fast.” His remark mystified her. “What do you mean?” she asked. He leaned back his head and pulled her firmly against his body. Catherine rose on tiptoes and pressed a lingering kiss on the taut skin of his throat. He gasped and drew her even closer. His large palm cradled the back of her head, and they stood like this for a long, silent moment, just listening to each other’s breathing and to the erratic pounding of their hearts. It was Vincent who broke the silence at last. “You should go back to sleep,” he whispered into her hair. Catherine shook her head. “I can’t. He gave her a long, unreadable look and then took her hand. “Come,” he said simply. *
Vincent led her along a sloping tunnel and she held on to his hand as
she trailed behind him in the soft light of the lantern he carried.
“Where are we going?” she asked at last, although she had noticed that they were heading back to the Crystal Cavern. Vincent stopped and turned. “There’s a place — a special place,” he replied enigmatically. “A place to dream?” she ventured with a smile. “Yes.” His voice was husky and low as he continued, “A place where we will be alone.” The way he emphasized the last word reminded her of something she once read about the real meaning of the word ‘alone.’ “All one,” she whispered. Wordlessly he held her gaze with his. There wasn’t the slightest flicker of doubt in his eyes. Catherine marveled at the change she could sense in him. The man who was standing before her, making her shiver under his steady gaze, knew very well what he wanted and what he was going to do. As if he had read her thought, he put down the lantern and released her hand, seizing her shoulders instead. “I must ask you something,” he began, “and I have to do it now before it is too late.” Catherine met his stare silently, expectantly, and he cast a helpless glance up to the rocky ceiling. “This is very difficult,” he said, releasing a ragged sigh. She lifted her hands and grasped his wrists, giving them an encouraging squeeze. He sighed again. “This need we share, this intense desire to be…together...” “Yes?” she coaxed gently when his voice trailed away. He dropped his gaze, whispering, “It may not be wise to give in to our desire, although you are safe...here...with “I know that,” she hastened to reassure him. “I’ve never thought anything else.” “It’s not me you should trust,” he replied. “It’s this place. I couldn’t allow this to happen anywhere else but here.” “Where the energy of the crystals helps you keep your balance,” she added with dawning comprehension. He nodded. “I wasn’t sure if you would want that — to love only once and never again.” Catherine’s heart turned over at his words and breathlessly she whispered his name. Instantly his arms closed around her and he pulled her into a tight embrace. “I love you,” he whispered, “and I wish things were...different.” She pulled back a little to look up into his face. “I love you, too,” she replied softly. With a sob he tucked her head against his throat again. “I’m so afraid of giving you hopes I can’t fulfil.” “You are not responsible for what I hope,” she murmured against his warm skin. “I would have hoped anyway.” “I know,” he said and she could hear a sad smile in his voice. They stood there like that for a long, tranquil moment before he released her and took her hand again. “Come,” he breathed as he picked up the lantern. They passed the entrance to the Crystal Cavern and entered a narrow passageway that led them to another opening. Vincent passed through it and hung the lantern on a hook in the wall. Catherine looked around her in wonderment. The chamber was small and looked inviting with soft-looking sand covering the floor. “I’ve spent many a night here without anybody knowing,” Vincent explained as he noticed her questioning look. “I come here to replenish my strength and regain my equilibrium after...events that had an unsettling effect on me.” She could only guess what he was referring to and slipped her hand into his, leaning her head against his arm. “The Crystal Cavern must be very close,” she said. “I can feel it.” He cast her a glance that reminded her very much of that of a parent whose child has said something wise. “Am I right?” she wanted to know. “It is almost palpable, isn’t it?” he replied reverently. Then suddenly he took a step away from her and turned, staring at her from an arm’s length away. “What else do you feel?” he asked. “You,” she replied truthfully and closed her eyes in the hope to find words for what exactly it was that she felt. “Your presence fills this room,” she continued, “and you fill every empty place within my heart. I don’t know how else to explain it.” His eyes softened and he returned to her, opening his arms. “I wish it could always be that way,” he murmured as he enfolded her in a tender hug. “Why shouldn’t it always be that way?” she asked. He straightened in her arms and looked down at her, but instead of replying he tilted up her face with one finger as he lowered his mouth to hers. How much she had missed the feel of him, that irresistible blend of rough and silky textures, of hardness and softness at the same time. “I love you,” she whispered against his lips, not caring she was repeating herself. In response he drew her even closer and she thought her heart was going to burst any moment. Her eyes snapped open when she felt him slowly pulling away, but he gave her a reassuring smile as he released her. He shed his cloak and spread it on the sandy floor. With fascination she watched as his hands came up and he started working at the fastenings of his quilted vest. Then he pulled off his heavy sweater and stood before her in a soft looking cotton shirt. She couldn’t resist any longer, she needed to touch him so badly. Although she had seen him in far less clothing than this, the sight of the worn shirt clinging to his chest and shoulders stirred something in her she couldn’t describe. He moaned softly as she ran her hands up his arms and down his chest before hugging him to her again. Suddenly she felt his palms burning on the bare skin of her waist as he slipped his hands beneath her sweater and caressed her shyly. Tears stung her eyes at the tenderness radiating from him, and she rose on tiptoes to press a soft kiss on the side of his neck. His hands trembled as he lifted the hem of her sweater and pulled it off over her head. He stared at her for a moment before he removed her camisole as well. She trembled under his gaze and when she felt his palms skim across her ribcage, she released a sigh of surrender. His thumbs brushed her breasts, sending sparks of arousal through her as he drew her close. His lips touched her forehead and she raised her tear filled eyes to his. He took his time kissing the moistness from her cheeks before he straightened and released her. Without taking his gaze away from hers he undressed with slow, deliberate motions. She could hardly believe it as he finally stood before her completely nude, and she thought how vulnerable he looked despite the powerful build of his body. She couldn’t resist the urge to take him into her arms and rock him gently. “I love you,” she whispered over and over again. He wove his fingers through her hair and pulled back her head, kissing her deeply. When they parted for air, she took a step in retreat and finished undressing herself. His eyes followed her every movement with rapt attention. Finally he reached for her hand and pulled her to his side as he lay down on the cloak. To feel his bare skin against hers was heaven. Never. ..truly never in her life had she felt more complete than at that moment. Vincent loved her with a tenderness she hadn’t believed possible, and the beauty of it made her heart burst open with joy. Suddenly all the dark and sad places inside her soul were touched by the most delicate light of his spirit. Being all-one with him brought to life something wonderful within her, a purity and joy she hadn’t even known existed, a completeness too deep for words. *
Catherine awoke in complete darkness. A warm weight was pressing her
down as she tried to move. She didn’t care that she couldn’t see a thing. The
reality of Vincent’s solid body half atop her was all she needed to feel safe.
His name escaped her lips as she ran her fingers through his hair. He shifted
his weight and rolled to his side. Instantly she missed his warmth and the
steady thrumming of his pulse against her skin. She sat up and suddenly a light
came on. Reflexively she closed her eyes against the flame of a match as Vincent lit the lantern. When she dared look again, he sat before her, studying her face. Apprehensively she searched his features for any trace of regret, but his eyes were peaceful and serene. The distance between them was starting to hurt, and they moved at the same time to return into each other’s arms. “How are you feeling?” she asked, certain he was perfectly aware of her state of drowsy contentment. “Blessed,” he said simply, pressing a kiss against the side of her neck. “Vincent,” she began, but he put his fingers over her lips to silence her. “Shhh,” he whispered. “Can you hear that?” Catherine closed her eyes and strained her ears, but she couldn’t hear anything at all. “Hear what?” she whispered back. “The voice of silence,” he replied. “The essence of peace.” Suddenly she could hear it, too. There was an ethereal hum which had no physical cause. Maybe it was the blood running through her veins or the breeze of the spirit going through her. Maybe she was only imagining it, but that didn’t matter. All she knew was that he heard it, too, and that it had meaning for him. Nothing else counted. She turned her head and kissed the corners of his mouth, thus soliciting a kiss from him that took her breath away. His passion carried her away and she lost herself in the ardent play of lips and tongues, releasing a sigh of contentment when he pressed her down onto the cloak. He moved over her and all she saw was the broad expanse of his chest as he held himself still on trembling arms. She tilted her head backwards to catch a glimpse of his expression. His eyes were closed and she pulled him to her, starved for the feel of his body against hers. He buried his face against her neck and she thought she detected traces of a sob in his sigh. “What is it, Vincent?” she asked quietly. “Please don’t shut me out,” she begged when he just shook his head. He remained motionless, unwilling to meet her gaze. Slowly he pushed himself away from her and got to his feet. The fact that his hand came down immediately to help her up comforted and reassured her a little, yet she was alarmed by his unwillingness to speak. He half-turned and hugged her to him, this time without passion, but the gesture was incredibly warm and intimate. “We have to go back,” he whispered. Slowly, reluctantly, he released her and they started dressing. “Vincent?” she asked hesitantly. He straightened to look at her. “Yes?” Suddenly at a loss for words, she just stared at him helplessly. He inclined his head and smiled indulgently. “We will talk later,” he promised. “We really should return to the campsite now.” Catherine gave him a grateful nod and quickly put on her clothes. He waited patiently, and the way he kept his eyes averted to give her privacy touched her. Then he extended his hand and she took it, thinking yet again that she didn’t care where they were going, as long as they went there together. *
Vincent could feel the gentle hum in his heart subside the farther they
got away from the Crystal Cavern and the magical place where he had been
allowed to glimpse perfection — even
though only for a short span of time. He struggled to concentrate on the warmth
flowing into him through Catherine’s hand which rested trustingly in his as
they walked side by side. Although he sensed her eyes on him he didn’t dare
look at her. He didn’t want her to see the tears burning in his eyes.
When they arrived at the campsite Rebecca and Joshua sat together over a steaming cup of tea. Joshua cocked his head in their direction and Vincent was aware of his fond scrutiny as they sat down at the fire, Joshua’s eyebrows twitched slightly, but he didn’t say a word. He just smiled at them warmly. No one talked much and when breakfast was over, Joshua moved to clear the place and rinse the mugs. “Give me a hand here, Vincent, will you?” he asked as he picked up the dirty dishes and walked off toward the water. Vincent caught Catherine’s understanding look and gave her a reassuring nod before following his friend. Joshua put down the mugs at the water’s edge and turned to face Vincent. Vincent smiled at him tentatively. “This journey gave you peace,” he observed. Joshua smiled enigmatically. “Life tends to do funny things to us,” he said without meeting Vincent’s eyes. “I came here to expose my pain to the mysterious and healing atmosphere of this place only to find that in the last analysis the answers I’ve been seeking lie in the beauty of human hearts. But you already figured that out yourself, didn’t you?” Vincent lowered his gaze and knelt to busy himself with the dishes. “Don’t evade me,” Joshua coaxed gently. “What happened? Tell me.” Vincent swallowed. He wasn’t sure how to talk around the lump forming in his throat, so he started vigorously scrubbing the plates. Finally he felt Joshua’s hand on his shoulder. “That bad?” he asked, causing Vincent to shake his head and smile. “Then what?” Joshua prompted. “I had no right to allow it to happen,” Vincent replied quietly. “It?” Joshua remarked, raising one eyebrow in mock puzzlement. Vincent cast him an accusing glance, but then he smiled. “There was no way of knowing...” he began dreamily. “Of course not,” Joshua said, completely serious. “And Vincent, never question your right to love. No one simply allows love to happen. Love happens all of its own.” Vincent half-turned to look at his friend fondly. “What about you, Joshua? Did love happen to you?” Joshua nodded slowly. “And like you I blamed myself for having allowed it to happen.” “Delia?” Vincent asked. Sorrow passed over Joshua’s face and consolidated in a deep crease on his forehead. “She was there for me at a time when I had lost everything. She gave me her love ... herself. I knew I had no right to take what she offered and yet I was helpless to resist the pull of desire. Desire for life itself.” Vincent’s heart constricted at the memory of how sweet desire had tasted from Catherine’s lips, how irresistible her skin had felt under his palms. Joshua cast him an understanding look before he continued. “Delia gave me the courage to turn back to my heart and showed me what it is like to be human. I realized what a mistake it had been for me to become a priest.” “I’m certain you had your reasons when you made your decision,” Vincent interjected. Joshua shook his head. “I was arrogant enough to believe the love of human beings wasn’t enough, that it must be God Himself whom I must love in order to reach the highest purpose in life. What I failed to see was that God loves through human hearts. It is not perfection we are supposed to achieve, but true warmth and caring.” The thoughtful look Joshua cast in Rebecca’s direction didn’t go unnoticed by Vincent. They sat together in silence for a while. Vincent found himself wondering how much of the arrogance Joshua had just mentioned might be the driving force behind his own actions. For the first time it occurred to him that the perfection he was striving so hard to achieve might be just an illusion. “Tell me what’s troubling you,” Joshua said. Vincent studied the backs of his hands while he searched for words. “I can’t give her a real life,” he murmured at last. “What we…had… is a dream — beautiful, incredible, breathtaking — but still only a dream.” “Says who?” Joshua interjected. Vincent’s only reply was a helpless shake of his head. “Vincent, she loves you,” Joshua reminded him. “You can’t talk about loving her in past tenses. You’re going to crush her heart.” Vincent threw back his head, releasing a groan. “I will do everything within my power to avoid that,” he said hoarsely. “What did you tell her?” Joshua asked. “That we can... love only while we are here where the energy of the crystals prevents me from...” “From beasting out?” Joshua suggested with provocative candor. “Vincent, do you honestly believe you could ever hurt her?” Vincent shook his head no. “But I wouldn’t want her to see me when I...lose myself.” “Everyone loses themselves in lovemaking,” Joshua pointed out patiently. “That’s perfectly normal. Women are offended if you don’t.” Vincent’s head snapped up. “They are?” he asked incredulously. “Why do you ask?” Joshua replied teasingly. “Did you ‘offend’ her last night?” Vincent found himself smiling as he lowered his gaze. “I don’t think so.” Joshua cast him a sidelong grin. “Good.” When Vincent didn’t respond, Joshua gave his shoulder a companionable clap and rose to his feet. “Let’s go back . We’d better get started.” “You go ahead,” Vincent suggested quietly. “I’ll finish these first.” He turned to the task at hand and started cleaning the mugs and plates. He was aware that Joshua studied him pensively for a long moment before he returned to the fire place. *
The walk back home was much more demanding than the other way around.
Everyone was tired and reluctant to leave that beautiful place behind them.
When they finally reached the last campsite, everyone was bone tired. Catherine
was completely exhausted and dropped gratefully onto her sleeping bag the
moment she had unrolled it.
She must have dozed off for a moment, because she awoke to the clatter of the water kettle and mugs as Vincent prepared some tea. She looked around her and spotted Rebecca and Joshua sitting some distance away and talking quietly. She scrambled to her feet and joined Vincent as he prepared supper. She was dying to speak with him, but somehow the moment didn’t seem right. No one felt like talking as they ate supper and everyone seemed to be inclined to call it an early night. But despite her deep fatigue she couldn’t find sleep. A thousand thoughts were spinning around in her head and she couldn’t turn them off. Finally she got up and grabbed a lantern, hoping a small walk would calm her. By now she was familiar with some of the tunnels and passageways branching off the large cavern that held the campsite. She walked down to the river and it surprised her to find that the rushing sound of the water set her mind at peace. She placed the lantern on the floor and sat down at the water’s edge, closing her eyes. “Bad dreams?” Joshua’s voice startled her and she flinched. “I didn’t mean to frighten you,” came his apology and she turned her head to look up at him. “I couldn’t sleep,” she explained wearily. Slowly Joshua lowered himself onto the ledge next to her. “I can understand that you worry,” he began. “Things are never easy with Vincent, because nothing’s ever easy for him.” Catherine mulled Joshua’s words over for a while. “What did Vincent tell you?” she asked finally. Joshua smiled. “He didn’t have to tell me anything.” Now it was her turn to smile. “Are we that obvious?” Growing serious again, Joshua replied, “No, but I do know him well. When he and you returned to the campsite, he looked…changed. You both appeared to have changed. I can’t explain what it was. It’s just a feeling.” Catherine didn’t know what to reply to that, so she asked, “What was he like...as a boy?” Joshua looked up at the ceiling, gathering his thoughts before he replied, “Extraordinary, and not because of his outward appearance. He has always had that inner quality which makes you feel better when he is around. Without him — I don’t think I would have become the person I am today.” “I can say the same thing about myself,” Catherine murmured, “although I’ve come to know him only a short while ago.” “Are you sure about that?” Joshua said with a mysterious smile, raising one eyebrow at her. Catherine shrugged uncertainly. “Sometimes I feel as if I had known him forever.” “Maybe you should listen to that feeling,” Joshua suggested, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “And now you should try to get some sleep. We have quite a walk ahead of us tomorrow.” She nodded and they both rose. Joshua turned to precede her on their way back to the camp. “Joshua?” He stopped and turned. “I’m glad you were there...with him...when he was young,” she said. He inclined his head and gave her a bright smile, and she couldn’t help but think that the gesture was very much reminiscent of Vincent. She took his proffered hand and together they walked back. *
Joshua cast Rebecca a tender look before he slipped into his sleeping
bag and rolled onto his side. Catherine walked over to where Vincent was lying,
fast asleep. He looked so tired and she suddenly felt guilty for having come on
this trip. The responsibility, and being so close to her all the time, seemed
to have cost him dearly, at least emotionally. He moaned softly in his sleep
and she reached down to smooth a strand of hair from his cheek, thinking how
wonderful it would be if he were able to relax with her, to draw strength from
their being together instead of being torn between rigid self-control and
letting go.
Suddenly his lashes fluttered and his eyes opened slowly. He didn’t seem surprised to find her staring at him, so he probably had been aware of her furtive scrutiny all the time. He didn’t move or speak. He just looked up at her and the depth of his gaze caused her heart to turn over in her chest. She found herself thinking that she wished she could be someone to him who had a right to love him and be close to him, like his sister, his mother, his friend. Suddenly she was terribly afraid that he may find it necessary for them to go separate ways. She became aware of her palm resting on his cheek and quickly withdrew it. With a swift movement his hand captured hers and held it in place. For a moment he closed his eyes and burrowed into her touch before he released her and sat up slowly. “Aren’t you tired?” he asked, his voice even more husky than usually. “I can’t sleep,” she confessed quietly. He lowered his gaze, sighing softly. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “It is my fault that you are in such turmoil.” “That’s what I should say to you,” she countered, noting her voice was trembling. He shifted his weight and pulled her to him. “Come,” he whispered, slipping back into his bag, but leaving some space for her to lie beside him. She looked at him questioningly. “Are you sure?” “You need to sleep,” he pointed out. “So maybe you won’t think of me so much if you are close to me.” That made her smile. “Thank you, Vincent,” she murmured sleepily as she lay down at his side, snuggling up to him. He put his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “Sleep now,” he ordered, and gratefully she closed her eyes.
*
At first she thought it would be impossible to fall asleep so close to Vincent. His body felt warm and solid against her, and she had to make an effort to lie completely still. His nearness intoxicated her, and she felt dizzy as his arms pulled her against him even more tightly. Finally the cadence of his heart and the rhythm of his even breathing lulled her to sleep. She was dreaming of walking up a stony staircase toward a bright light streaming into a dark room. Her arms were aching as she held them out before her as if to welcome someone — someone who was slowly descending the steps toward her... Restless movements next to her pulled her from sleep and she opened her eyes to the weak glow of the dying fire. Vincent was struggling against a nightmare, and he seemed to be torn between fighting her and protecting her against some invisible enemy. She called out his name, softly at first and then more firmly. Finally his eyes snapped open and she sighed with relief as he spoke her name. He pushed himself into an upright position and she could see that his shirt was drenched with perspiration. “What is it, Vincent?” she asked with concern. He just shook his head, obviously unable to clear his mind, and at last he dragged himself out of the sleeping bag and got to his feet. “I thought I could...” he began hoarsely, but then his voice broke off. Uncertain about what to say, Catherine followed him and put her arms around his waist, leaning her head against his chest. After a long moment of immobility, his arms came up and he wrapped her in a hesitant embrace. She sighed gratefully and closed her eyes, listening to his heartbeat as they stood together in silence. With a soft moan he pulled her even closer, brushing tender kisses across her forehead and cheeks. When his mouth found hers at last, he gave himself to the kiss without any further hesitation. She slipped her hands under his shirt and caressed his waist. Her fingers were irresistibly drawn to his softly furred chest and she reveled in the sensation of the warm skin under the silky curls. He moaned again, and it became clear to her that he fought against his building arousal. Reluctantly she withdraw her hands and mentally chastised herself for having been so thoughtless and selfish. She wanted to pull away from him, but he held her back. “Don’t go away,” he rasped, his breathing still labored. “I won’t,” she promised, framing his face with her hands. “I don’t know what to do,” he murmured, lowering his gaze. “I don’t know anymore what is right or wrong.” His eyes returned to hers and she gasped at the brilliance she saw in their depth. Tears glittered on his lashes like dewdrops on the grass, and once again she wished she could give him the splendor of the morning sun to bathe his unique beauty in its golden shine. “Rainbows,” he breathed and she looked up at him questioningly. “Even tears can reflect rainbows,” he explained softly, “in the right light.” “Sometimes it’s enough to know the colors are there,” she whispered throatily, pressing a tender kiss on his neck. “True beauty isn’t always found in obvious things, but in possibilities. “How fortunate I am,” he whispered, “that you prefer looking beyond the surface of things.” “You don’t know me quite as well as you seem to think,” she teased, tracing the contours of his face with her index finger, “because I do like the surface of things, too.” He smiled and shook his head. “Then I’ll just have to be double grateful,” he replied, kissing her softly. She regarded him attentively. He looked weary and thoughtful, but no longer upset. “Will you tell me about your dream?” she asked quietly. He sighed softly. “Another time, Catherine. We really should get some more sleep now.” She nodded her agreement. “But I will hold you up to that.” “I know,” he replied with a smile. Together they laid down again, each in their own sleeping bag this time, but close enough so that they could hold hands as they fell asleep. |
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