When he squeezed her fingers very gently in return, Catherine
smiled up at him, hoping that would be enough encouragement for him to
tell her what was causing him such discomfort. But after rubbing his left
thumb along the back of her hand, he released it and turned to look out
over the lights of the city.
"Vincent," she began, her voice soft and filled with hope,
"Won't you at least try?"
Exhaling a rough breath, he half-turned to meet her eyes,
and then lowered his gaze to the terrace floor. "Such admissions do not
come easily, especially to...me." Studying his hands as if they were strange
things he had never seen before, he spoke as though deeply ashamed. "Sometimes,
when I'm feeling so terribly...alone... that my control is...is not what
it should be, I allow my emotions to..."
"Yes?"
Shaking his head sadly back and forth as the courage to
continue deserted him, he turned and faced the towering spires of Manhattan
again. "Forgive me, but I cannot find the words."
Walking up behind him and slowly reaching up, Catherine
gripped the center of his chin gently but firmly between her right forefinger
and thumb. When Vincent turned to face her and their eyes met she reminded
him, "We promised never to withhold the truth from one another."
"Yes, I know we did. But...what I must find the words
to tell you shames me. It is something that should never have happened
- never! - and has." Straightening to his full height, he went on, his
voice so low she had to strain to hear the words. "Sometimes a depth of
aloneness steals into my soul. And at those moments, I ...I allow myself
to feed off of your emotions, Catherine; to steal them from you like a
thief in he night. To be able to reach out with my heart, my soul, and
touch...you... is comforting in ways I simply cannot explain, yet I know
it's wrong to do this." Bringing his left hand down hard on the terrace
wall he exclaimed harshly. "It's wrong!"
"But if being that close to me brings you solace how can
it be wrong? What you've done is nothing to be ashamed of," Catherine insisted.
Smiling, she admitted, "I wish I could do that when I've had a bad day,
or just feel blue and out-of-sorts. Or when I miss you even more than usual."
Seeming more than a little surprised that she wasn't angry
with him, Vincent bent his head, murmuring, "It's so personal an intrusion
on my part - this I know. But I cannot seem to...control the urge to be
with you in whatever way I can - even through your thoughts and your dreams."
Blinking away tears, he continued shyly, "You have such lovely dreams,
Catherine. Most of the time they bring me such peace as I have never known."
"And when my dreams are like tonight's, what then?"
"Those dark thoughts squeeze at my very soul," Vincent
admitted. "And I have to come to you, to comfort you as best I can; to
let you know that you are well and safe." Blue eyes shining with unshed
tears met hers. "And loved...so much I think one day I shall die of the
pure joy having you in my life brings."
Fighting to keep her heart from racing, knowing that he
would be aware of it and perhaps regret his choice of words or be embarrassed
that he had finally admitted he loved her out loud and to her face, Catherine
stroked the left side of his jaw. Taking a deep breath and releasing it
as slowly as she could she began, "If my...dark dreams...have caused you
to finally say that you love me, then I'll have to find a way to dream
a few more of them." Smiling up into the face that made up the center of
her existence, she whispered, "I love you, too, very, very much."
Vincent blinked rapidly a few times and then, as
a familiar and deeply painful burden seemed to lift from around his very
soul, he met his cherished darling's steadfast gaze. 'Do you, my dearest
Catherine? T...truly?"
Wrapping both of her arms about his neck, she stood
on tiptoe and placed a very gentle kiss to the side of his mouth. "Truly...deeply...madly...and
forever", she vowed. "I shall love only you for the rest of my life, and
perhaps even beyond this life, into the next one."
Hardly daring to breathe, Vincent bent his head forward
and touched his mouth to hers, the caress as gentle as the petals of a
rose stroking her lips. Pulling back to gaze into her eyes and finding
only love and hope there, he bent forward again, wrapped his long arms
tightly around her and kissed her with an innocence that nearly broke her
heart, with a sob that caught in his throat, and with a passion that truly
joined her soul forever to his.
Finally pulling back slightly to draw air into his lungs,
Vincent smiled at her. Not one of those tiny smiles that came quickly to
him and then disappeared almost at the same moment. This time he smiled
so widely the moonlight glinted off of his sharp white teeth. "Am I dreaming,
Catherine?"