Ending #5
by Diane Kenny
“You have such a generous heart, Catherine. I know
you mean to protect me from these feelings perhaps even hide them from
yourself” Vincent sighed “But your subconscious knows the truth ,
if you do not.”
“Vincent? I don’t understand. What is it you
believe to be true?” Catherine looked more than a little perplexed.
“That I’m a danger to you, Catherine. Not only because
our dream threatens to take you from the life you were meant to have but
a real danger to you physically, just as you knew it when Steven Bass posed
a danger to you. You didn’t acknowledge it consciously but somewhere
deep within you heart, you knew.”
“Oh Vincent. How could you ever think those things, much
less believe them? You think you know me so well but if you did you’d never
believe such nonsense!”
Vincent started to sense something he rarely felt from
Catherine, anger. Oh, he knew his love had a temper but never had
he been the target of this particular emotion.
“Men!” Catherine nearly growled the word.
Her teeth were clenched tight as she took a deep breath. “Men!” She repeated
a little louder and sounding even more annoyed.
“Excuse me?” It was Vincent’s turn to be confused.
“Yes, men. Thinking themselves so much wiser than anyone
else they make choices that aren’t theirs to make. Trust me, Vincent,
you’re not nearly as different as you perceive yourself to be.” Catherine
was at her wits’ end.
“But I…” Was all Vincent could say before the look in
her eyes stopped him dead.
“Oh give it a rest, will you! I know exactly what
you’re going to say and I don’t want to hear it, Vincent, not tonight or
ever again. I’m sick to death of hearing Father's tired rhetoric coming
from your month. If I must listen to his tired old theories I’d just
as soon hear them from him. Do you understand me?”
He nodded at her meekly but stubborn as ever he tried
once again to tell her what he had come to say. “I felt your terror,
Catherine. It, was real, I know it was. I knew I had to come to you; to
make you see…”
“Oh be quiet, Vincent. I’ve heard enough of your speculations!”
She started toward him and before he knew how it happened he was pinned
to the wall with little hope for escape. Now pacing back and forth
in front of a very trapped Vincent, Catherine took a deep breath.
She couldn’t remember ever being this irritated or frustrated
with anyone. Muttering to herself, she continued to pace. I might
as well be talking to a brick wall! she told herself.
The more she paced the more angry she grew. Finally she stopped directly
in front of him
The bond was no help to him now but still he tried to
focus his thoughts on her. Catherine recognized what he trying to
do immediately. “You presume too much, Vincent!”
He looked as if she had struck him. He stared at her with
a stunned look on his face.
“I know you sense what I’m feeling through our bond.
But, Vincent, having a sense of my emotions and knowing what makes me feel
as I do are not the same thing. You don’t want to believe what the
bond is telling you so you take your perceptions inside of yourself. Once
there you theorize and analyze them till they’re your feelings not mine.
It never even occurs to you seek my counsel or to simply ask why I felt
this way or that.”
“Oh no! That would be too direct. You might hear
something you’re not prepared for! You just make up your mind and
that’s how it is. You think this knowledge gives you insight into
my heart but you’re wrong, very wrong. To know what’s in my heart
you must listen to me, not just hear me, but truly listen to me.”
Pacing more slowly and relinquishing some of her anger, she turned to the
only man she would ever love and gave him a smile the like
of which he’d never seen before. “Do you think you’re ready to listen
to me now, Vincent? There is much I need to tell you but you must
be ready to accept the truth in what I have to say.”
Vincent had trouble finding his voice. Never had
he felt Catherine’s anger directed towards him and it left him momentarily
speechless. If he had any doubts about his ability to accept what she was
going to say he wisely kept them to himself and nodded. “Of course,
Catherine, I know you’d never be less than honest with me.”
Putting her hand on his chest as if she could keep him
there by her strength alone, she looked deep into his eyes and he found he
couldn’t look away. “I hate to admit this, Vincent, but up until
this very moment I have been less than honest with you. I’ve tried to shield you
or maybe I tried to protect myself. There are things I have hidden from you and
at other times I allowed you to believe whatever I thought you needed to
believe. I’ve been so afraid of losing you that I allowed this to continue
too long. Now I see how foolish my actions were, almost as foolish as your
assumptions. “Tonight you felt my terror and even though it was only
a dream you rushed here, intent on throwing away the only chance for happiness
life holds for either of us. It never even crossed your mind to ask me
for an explanation. If you truly understood the emotions you perceived
through our bond than you would have known my deepest fear. I fear losing
you. I can’t think of my life without you in it. In my dream I had lost
you. I can’t remember the details, but of this I am sure. I
had lost you. You came to protect me as you always do but this time
you were mortally wounded and I was to blame.”
Vincent opened his month as if to say something but thought
better of it.
“Your blood was on my hands. Once again I placed
both you and your world in danger because of the risks I tell myself I
must take. I’ve been thoughtless and selfish.” Before Vincent could contradict
her she hurried to finish. “I’ve made it this way by being so determined
to go it alone. But I’m not really alone, am I, Vincent? You’re
always with me, and on some level I’ve counted on that. In trying
to prove myself I’ve wronged you, Vincent, and used you terribly.”
Vincent didn’t think he could stay quiet another moment..
Selfish? Never, how could he believe this. It was beyond his realm
of reality to accept Catherine as anything less than perfect.
Although his denial was unspoken she could see it in his
eyes. She could almost hear his words refusing to believe that she
was capable of any selfish act. “Don’t you dare say what you’re thinking!"
She told him in stern voice.
“Other investigators do the same work I do without
endangering themselves and their loved ones. I rely too much on you
instead of using the other tools available to me through my department.
That’s what my dreams are telling me. You’re not invincible, we both
know that; it’s only a matter of time before you’re shot or stabbed. That was the terror you felt! I was afraid
for you, Vincent, not
of you. And afraid for myself; I don’t think I could face a
life without you, not now.”
Sliding her arms around his waist she fell against him, weary and sad. “I’m so sorry, Vincent, for the pain I’ve caused you,
for the blood that’s been shed in my name. I should have protected
you as you’ve protected me. Please…. Forgive me!”
“Don’t cry, Catherine. I regret only the necessity
of my actions but never that I was able to keep you from harm. Don’t
blame yourself, please. There’s nothing to forgive. You are not to
blame for the actions of evil men.”
Returning her embrace, he held her tightly. Accepting
the truth of her words wasn’t easy for him. He had been secure in his role
of her protector, and it had been easy for him to accept that place in
her life. He was aware that there were changes taking place. Now
he would be forced to face the truth that the only role she ever wanted
him to fill was that of the man she loved.
Pulling back just enough to look into his eyes, wanting
him to see into her heart, she said, “Know this, Vincent. Never again will you be
forced to shed blood needlessly. I swear to you from this day forward,
never again.”
Although Vincent’s mind wanted to tell her she was wrong,
his heart took great comfort in her promise. Each time he’d been
forced to kill or hurt someone he had lost a little of himself.
Keeping his promise to her, he thought over all she had
told him. She was right, he had presumed too much. If
he was so wrong about the reasons for her fears, was it possible that he
was been mistaken about other things as well? Being as stubborn as he was
gentle, this was very hard for him to accept. He didn’t have
long to dwell on these thoughts. He sensed her need to go on.
He braced himself for what was to come.
“There’s more, isn’t there?” It really wasn’t a question.
“Tell me”
She wondered how many times he said these simple words
to her. “I will, but first you must make me a promise.”
“Of course.” He told her his voice full of conviction.
“I’ve told you I try to hide certain emotions from you,
Vincent. I no longer am willing to do that. It’s too hard to keep
these emotions locked away in my heart. Sometimes I feel as if it
would burst. But first you must promise me that you’ll never leave
me. Do I have your promise?” Her eyes never left his and she
noticed a slight tremble in their bond. It took him so long to answer she
began to wonder if he’d answer at all.
“Oh Catherine, you don’t need a promise for that. I have
thought I should leave you, for your sake, but I can’t do it. You’re
the other half of my soul. Without you there is nothing.” He looked
almost ashamed at admitting this to her. But faced with her courage
and honesty what else was left but for him to be sincere both with her
and himself.
Knowing that breaking a promise to her was impossible
for Vincent, she found the courage to finish what she had started.
“I haven’t been totally honest with you. I never lied to you outright;
I want you to know that, but in concealing my deepest emotions from you
I’ve been deceiving you. Complex as these emotions are, they can
be summed in one small word; desire.” Seeing the shocked look on his face,
Catherine had to smile. Had she not pinned him securely to the wall
he would have been pacing back and forth like a caged animal, desperate
to be free.
“I know you’ve sensed it more than once. I also know you
refuse to accept what the bond is telling you. You won’t allow yourself
to see if for what it really is. So you call it devotion, friendship or
worse, gratitude.” Looking him straight in the eye so he could see as
well as feel the truth in her words, she gathered up her courage and continued.
“You’re wrong, Vincent. You’ve always been wrong
about so many things and it’s time you faced the truth. I love you
with all that I am, just as you love me. My love is as deep as yours
and no less demanding. If you could see yourself through my eyes just once,
you’d see how truly beautiful you are.” At that Vincent flinched
and tried to look away. But she took his chin in her hand and guided
his gaze back to her. “Remember you promised to listen.”
“A life with you, Vincent, is the life I was meant to
have. By your side is where I belong, where I’ve always belonged.
There’s no sacrifices involved here, Vincent, I love everything about you.
I love the way you look, the way you move, the way I feel when your arms
embrace me. I love the way you smell of musk, candle wax and
the crisp night air. The way you say my name. No one else has
ever set my heart pounding just by saying my name. Oh, Vincent, feel what
I’m feeling. Look in my eyes, see into my heart and know the truth.
Our truth, the truth beyond knowledge, beyond anything we’ve ever hope
to know.”
“But, Catherine…” Was all Vincent could say before she
stopped him with her lips.
When Vincent was able to think, he again attempted to speak,
but found himself once again made speechless by the sweetness of her lips.
He opened his eyes slowly, shock warring with doubts, fear fighting with
desire. But even as his heart and mind seemed to be at odds with
each other he couldn’t resist seeking her lips to taste her sweetness again
and again. Nothing could be more right than this. Everything was
everything. All that truly mattered in his life was securely wrapped
his arms. Deep within himself he finally accepted the truth that Catherine
loved him, truly loved him, in ways he had never thought possible. She
loved him for everything that made him who he was. She didn’t close her
eyes to his differences in the name of love, as he had told himself, she
truly loved him for who and what he was.
Slowly that night all the dark places in his soul were
filled with a light, the light of Catherine’s love. Whatever happened now
nothing would ever extinguish that light. He knew he’d never be alone
again. Whatever destiny had in mind they would face it together.
“As long as we’re moving forward, my love, I’ll let you
set the pace. Knowing that someday we’ll be together, truly together,
will satisfy me for now. But I expect to be kissed, often!” she
told him, giving the sweetest smile he’d ever seen.
“With the greatest of pleasure, my Catherine.” Vincent
again sought the sweetness of her lips and for a brief moment his own appetite
stunned him. Each time he tasted her lips it only left him hungry
for more.
Catherine just beamed at him.
“What makes you smile so?” he asked.
“You called me, your Catherine.” She exclaimed, her voice
full of excitement. “I could get used to that very quickly, my dear one.
Please say it again, it sounded so wonderful to me.”
That such a little thing could give her so much pleasure
astonished him and filled him with pride. How could he doubt that
he was worthy of her love? The truth was staring him straight in the face
and had been all along. He was all she ever wanted and he could make
her happy just by returning her love.
“Oh, so now I’m allowed to talk?. Well I’m not sure
that there’s anything left to say.” He told her teasingly.
“No, wait! Come to think of it, I do have something to say.
I expect you to listen to every word, Catherine Chandler, not just hear
but listen.”
Taking hold of her chin as she had done to him earlier
he looked deep into her eyes and gave her the only words she ever wanted
to hear. “Know that I love you, my Catherine, that I have always
loved you. I will love you till the end of time.”
“Oh yes, Vincent, our love will last for always.” She
whispered.