SEVERED SELVES

The break-up, when it came, stunned Catherine. She hadn't seen itcoming.

When Catherine held her fears in check to go to Vincent, savage inhis pain, full of mindless fury, she thought she had faced the worstthat could happen. The Vincent she knew was so submerged in nightmarevisions, she almost couldn't reach him. Through force of will alone,she had calmed him enough to allow Father and the others to lead himto a nearby chamber where he could be looked after, watched overuntil his rages and fever passed. Father's strength was limited, forall he loved his son, so it fell to Catherine to tend him, there, farbelow the home tunnels. Catherine didn't know of the terrorsVincent's wounded mind had conceived for him, and with their Bondsuddenly and completely gone, she had no way to send her gentle loveand calming assurance to him. When he awoke from the nightmare tofind her tenderly cooling his face with a damp towel, he had neededalmost more reassurance than she could give him -- that she wasalive, well, and with him. He had at first imagined this anotherlayer of his fevered dream, and clung to her desperately, afraid thatif he broke physical contact with her, if he let her out of hissight, she would disappear and be lost to him...again.

All through the long days and nights of his painfully slowrecovery, Catherine was by his side. The terrors that had rentVincent mentally had also left him physically drained and emotionallyvulnerable. On the day when he finally felt the faint stirrings oftheir Bond reasserting itself, he was so overjoyed that he allowedtheir Bond to open wide, flooding her with the full force of his ownfeelings for her, and he clutched at the tendrils of hers as if hewere a drowning man. This opening of their Bond was unlike anythingCatherine had experienced before, and she realized how much Vincenthad blocked her in the past from reading his emotions. She wasoverwhelmed by the love and desire she felt within him, and sent allof hers back to him through their renewed connection. The vibrance,the warmth generated through their Bond enfolded and healed Vincentin a way that medicines never could. Slowly, slowly, he regained hisemotional and mental equilibrium, but his body, ravaged as it hadbeen by the torment he had suffered, was slower to recover.

As she nursed Vincent through the worst of his emotional collapse,Catherine had thought they had forged a new understanding. Yet,looking back, she realized that, as Vincent recovered physically, itwas the beginning of the end for them.

As his strength returned, Vincent could not face her, knowing sheheld within her all the secrets he had concealed so successfully fromher during their years together. Knowing all that, how could he addto that knowledge, how could he ever tell her about the strange,troubling, frightening, and ultimately devastating nightmare whichhad seemed so real. And so had begun his gradual withdrawal from her.

Vincent's withdrawal had happened so quietly, she had not evennoticed at first. When she finally did, she thought he had relapsedinto the black mood which had begun his long descent into madness.But when she asked him about it, he retreated even further from heremotionally. She began to lose her new-found connection to himthrough their Bond, and realized sadly that it was Vincent who waserecting new, stronger barriers. Still, she'd hoped he wouldgradually return to her. Instead, in the few weeks since he hadreturned to the home tunnels, he had insisted that she spend less andless time with him, citing her need to return to her work and friendsAbove, so long neglected because of him. He had made a very logicalargument, and she had acquiesced to it. After their last suchdiscussion, she had stayed away for a week, but she couldn't bear theseparation any longer. So last night she had gone Below.

At first, everything had gone well. She had engaged Mary andFather in quiet conversation, and had spent some time with youngGeoffrey.

Since she had stayed Below to come to terms with her father'sdeath, Geoffrey had become very attached to her, often sitting besideher at meals, and seeking her out to show her schoolwork of which hewas especially proud. He looked upon her as an adored big sister, andreveled in the attention she showed him. She had to admit that,although she loved all the children Below, Geoffrey held a tinycorner of her heart all to himself. He had come to be herVincent-surrogate -- any time Vincent couldn't come to accompany herfrom her basement threshold, Geoffrey would volunteer for the job;when Vincent was working late, it was Geoffrey who saw to it thatCatherine was informed so she wouldn't worry. She was touched by howconsiderate and thoughtful he was, evidence of the man he wouldbecome, and she envied the young woman who would capture his heart ina few years.

In the aftermath of Vincent's collapse, Geoffrey had assumed alarger role for Catherine, often appearing to bring her cleanbedding, food, medicine, or even just news from Above, to lighten herload as she looked after her patient. He would sit and talk with her,and spell her for short whiles so she could walk, or bathe, or read.Even after her return to her life Above, he continued to share moreof his life with her whenever he saw her -- his dreams, his plans forwhen he grew up. Last night, he had shyly asked if he could have thehonor of her company at a concert planned for the end of thefollowing week. He knew that she enjoyed the concerts Below, but thatVincent might not be up to a long appearance in public yet, and hehoped she'd let him be her "date" for the evening in his stead. Shewas so moved by his concern for her happiness, that she had readilyagreed. From the wreath of smiles and the proud tilt of the headwhich Geoffrey wore as he left her, she knew that she was giving himmore than a simple "date" -- in his mind, when she appeared with himat the concert, she would, in effect, validate him before the entirecommunity. Everyone would be forced to acknowledge that althoughGeoffrey was still a child, he was growing into a dependable, valuedmember of their community. It was the least she could do for him --he was a true friend.

So, when her visit to Vincent had turned so horribly wrong,Catherine was caught completely off guard.

As she entered his chamber, Vincent had not looked up from thebook he was reading. She hadn't expected him to come to the thresholdfor her, of course -- she assumed that he was still much too weak forthat. But since she had not seen him for so long, she had expected agreeting, at least. She walked over to where Vincent was sitting togive him her customary hug, but he surprised her by rising suddenlyand stepping behind the chair so she could not reach him. As shelooked up at him quizzically, he did not meet her eyes, but said in acontrolled, measured voice, "Sit down, please, Catherine."

Catherine complied, but her first faint misgivings after enteringthe room were rapidly escalating, and she realized her heart wasbeating quite fast and her palms were becoming damp. Vincent did notspeak again, and his silence wore on her. She felt compelled to breakthe silence between them. "Vincent, have you been well? I've missedyou so much. I'm sorry, but I couldn't stay away any longer. How areyou feeling?"

He walked around the chair to face her, and when he did, her heartlurched. His eyes sparkled with brittle blue fire, but they weretotally devoid of affection. What looked out at her from those eyeswas a stranger. She shuddered involuntarily, and pressed her clenchedfists into her stomach to ease the sudden attack of butterfliesthere.

Vincent began in a formal manner, and it sounded stilted,unnatural, practiced. "Catherine, I am...pleased...you came tonight.I have something I must say to you."

He paused, shifting from foot to foot, and Catherine could tell hedesperately wanted to pace, but was restraining himself with greateffort.

"I have been thinking about our...relationship...and how it haschanged over the years. I have been trying to find the words toexpress how I feel now, but it is difficult. We had a wonderfulfriendship for so long, Catherine. It meant the world to me, as youdid. But...that is all...in the past."

Clearly discomfited by her stupefaction at his words, he lookedaway as he said, "Catherine, this must end. There is no future forus. We want...different things. I think we both know what you want,but trust me, Catherine, it is not what I want. Had we been ableto...curb...the emotional level to some extent, perhaps we could havecontinued as friends. But we have gone beyond that point...and wecannot retreat. You would always be...yearning...for what I do nothave within me to give. You must understand, Catherine. And...youmust go."

Crystals of hard blue ice looked deeply into her wide green eyes,and he raised his hand abruptly to forestall her protest. "Please,Catherine, you must. I know you will...miss...us all, especially atfirst. But you must persevere. Know that this is best...for both ofus. But if you cannot accept it for yourself, at least understandthat this is best for me. If you love me, you will allow me to go myown way, to find my own happiness, for believe me when I tell youthat I cannot find it with you."

Vincent raised his right hand stiffly and yanked at the leatherpouch in which Catherine's china rose had nestled for so long. Thestrap snapped, and he held the pouch out to Catherine. When she didnot move to take it, he tossed it carelessly into her lap.

Catherine was speechless. She had come Below full of excitementand expectation, only to find that her world was shattered, and theshards were piercing her heart. She could almost not believe this wasVincent before her, so strange were his words. Even his movementswere odd -- jerky, with none of his usual grace and power. Sheclutched the pouch in her hand as she tried to compose herself.

"Vincent...I..don't know how to respond to you." Looking up intothose frigid, unrelenting eyes unnerved her, but she forced herselfnot to look away. "Could you tell me what happened to makeyou...change your mind about...everything we have...had...between us?Please, Vincent, make me understand?" She knew she was stalling fortime. His words had been completely clear and utterly simple: hedidn't love her, he didn't want her in his life. What more was thereto understand? Still, there was always hope....

She sensed more than saw the increased tension in his shoulders,his hands. Perhaps he grasped the back of the chair before him withslightly greater force. There was a shifting in him, deep inside, andhe seemed to draw himself taller, more stiffly.

His next words were spat more than spoken."Nothing...specific...happened, Catherine. My illness forced me toreassess...what is important to me. I realized that you...no longerhave a place in my life. I do not want you in my life, Catherine.Please, must I be cruel to you? I do not wish you to come to see meagain, and I shall not be visiting you Above." The barest hint ofpleading entered his voice as he said, "Can you not just accept whatI have said, and let this parting be as painless as possible?"

The word jolted through her. "Painless, Vincent? How can that be?Perhaps you don't love me any longer -- I can't control that. But youhave to understand...until this moment, I had thought our love wasstrong and enduring, that nothing and no one could ever drive usapart. To hear you say these words drives a knife through my heart!"

She shook her head, trying to focus her thoughts on the incrediblewords he had just spoken. Was there some clue she had missed? No. Infact, she had thought the entire experience of the past weeks hadbrought them closer. "I had no inkling your affections for me weredying, Vincent. Just a few weeks ago, through our Bond, I felt suchlove from you, and now you are telling me that love has turnedto...indifference? Help me to understand, please! I don't want tomake this harder for you, but I can't leave without some idea of whyyou are sending me away!"

Catherine couldn't believe what happened next. Vincent's eyeschanged, and what she saw in them was...pity. Oh, God, she thought,this can't really be happening! He made no move and did not speakagain, and finally Catherine rose from the chair and walked from theroom on legs which could hardly support her. She made it into thecorridor before they failed her and she collapsed against the walland dropped her head into her hands. She couldn't cry -- not yet. Itwould come, she knew, but she must get out of here first. Shecouldn't bear to face any of her Tunnel family now. Not now. Gulpingair into tortured lungs, Catherine managed to pull herself erect and,using smaller side tunnels, she avoided any human contact until shewas again in her basement. As she entered the elevator to take her upto her lonely apartment, the hot despairing tears started to come.And they didn't stop for two days.

_ _ _

A week had not served to dull the throbbing pain in Catherine'sheart. She had managed to get through a few days of work withouttears constantly tracing down her cheeks, but it was difficult. Joeknew she was feeling low, but his tentative forays into the nature ofher sadness had not allowed her relief. All she could tell him wasthat a very important relationship in her life had concluded suddenlyand painfully. She wouldn't tell him more, and he finally gave upasking. She was grateful that he seemed to be lightening her workloada bit, which helped, since her concentration was shot and what shewas doing wasn't being done with her normal efficiency and accuracy.She knew she had to pull herself together, but she had no idea how.The only people she might talk to about this were a few HelpersAbove, and those who lived Below, and somehow she knew she couldn'tinvolve them in this. Their first loyalty, rightly, would be toVincent, and to seek them out would be to put them in anuncomfortable position. Plus, the implication in Vincent's dismissalwas that she should remove herself completely from life Below. Thatcertainly included having conversations with people who undoubtedlyknew that she and Vincent were no longer...together.

Catherine's anguish was compounded by the dilemma of what to doabout Geoffrey. She had promised he could escort her to the concerttonight, but surely he must realize that was no longer possible. Herheart cracked a little more as she thought of the special friendshipthey had forged, and which was now no longer possible. It was so sadthat she was losing so many people who had become like family toher...Jamie, Mary, Mouse...but especially Geoffrey. She wished shecould tell him that her failure to come did not have anything to dowith him. At that thought, Catherine was moved to write a shortnote.

Dear Geoffrey,

I am so sorry that I won't be able to come to the concert tonight.I guess you all know by now that I won't be coming Below anymore.Please know that I will always treasure the gift of your friendship,Geoffrey. You are a wonderful young man, and I shall miss youterribly.

Be Well,

Catherine

Catherine folded the note, addressed it, and ran downstairs tocatch Bennie the bicycle messenger, who she knew always bought hislunchtime hot dog from the vendor on the street in front of herbuilding. She only had to wait about 10 minutes for him to come by.They chatted for a few minutes as he devoured his lunch, then he tookher note and promised a quick delivery. Catherine looked after himfor a moment as he pedaled into traffic, then returned to her office.

A few hours later, deep in a file on a particularly gruesomemurder case, Catherine felt a small hand on her shoulder. As shelooked up, she was startled to see Geoffrey standing there."Geoffrey! What a nice surprise! Did you get my note?"

Geoffrey's normally sunny face held nothing but clouds. "That'swhy I came to see you, Catherine. I don't understand -- why can't youcome to the concert? You promised. And why aren't you coming Belowanymore?"

Catherine regarded him sadly. Apparently no one had thought toinform him when Vincent let the adults know of his decision to partfrom her, and of his request that she not return to the tunnels."Well, Geoffrey, I guess you didn't hear. Vincent and I...well...wearen't...seeing each other anymore. And he thought it best if Ididn't...visit...again. Perhaps they forgot to tell you? I'm so sorryyou had to find out in a note."

Geoffrey was firm in his response. "No, Catherine. Nobody knowsthat. I asked around after I got your note. Nobody knows. They wereall as surprised as me when I showed them what you wrote -- Mary,Jamie, even Father."

Catherine couldn't help but show her surprise. "Even Father?"

"Especially Father. He read your note, then got a funny look inhis eyes and said, 'Thank you for sharing this news with me,Geoffrey.' So you see, he couldn't have known, or he wouldn't havethanked me for the news."

Catherine was perplexed. She had imagined them all "tut-tutting"about the situation a week ago, then putting it behind them andgetting on with their lives. It hadn't occurred to her that theymight not know, and that they would assume it was she who didn't wantto come Below anymore, that she had abandoned them. How could Vincentallow them to think that about her?

Catherine was pulled back from her contemplation by Geoffrey'svoice.

"Catherine? Catherine? Father gave me a note for you and asked meto give it to Bennie, but I wanted to deliver it in person.Here."

Catherine couldn't think what Father would have to say to her. Nomatter that they had become closer, even friends, over the past year,she thought ruefully that he was probably, deep down, relieved thatshe was no longer in his son's life. She opened the note and readFather's missive:

Catherine,

You must realize by now that none of us had any idea that Vincenthad asked you to discontinue your visits to us. I have spoken withhim and assured him that you are still a valued member of our family,and that you are as welcome here as any of our Helpers. You have aplace in our hearts and at our table any time you can grace us withyour presence. Whatever is...or is not... between you and my soncannot change that. Please, Catherine, I urge you to reconsider andcome to the concert tonight. Geoffrey would be most pleased to escortyou from your threshold, and we will all be expecting you.

Fondly,

Father

Catherine re-read the note, certain she had not understood itscontents the first time. Yes, it still said the same thing. She couldfeel Father's gruff brand of affection reaching through the note toembrace her fragile heart. Her eyes filled and threatened to spillover. She looked at Geoffrey and said, "Well, it looks like you'vestill got a date for the concert tonight."

Geoffrey's face lit up, and on impulse he threw his arms aroundher and yelled, "Great!" Several co-workers nearby turned sharply atthe exclamation, and Catherine reluctantly disengaged herself fromher little friend and told him she would meet him at her threshold at8:00 that evening. "I'll be there, Catherine, don't worry!" Anotherquick hug, and he was gone.

Catherine sat staring at Father's note for a long moment. For thefirst time since Vincent had uttered those fateful words, she feltsome warmth creep into her heart. It would be very hard to be Belowtonight, but it would have been immeasurably harder if she stillbelieved she could never go again.

_ _ _

At 7:58, Catherine climbed down the rungs of the ladder at herthreshold to the tunnels. She had thought very carefully about whatto wear tonight, and she decided it would be the lace dress she woreon the night she and Vincent had celebrated their first anniversary.Tonight was a celebration for her, if only one she hugged close toher heart -- she was celebrating the acknowledgment of her place inher family Below. She knew now that she still had somewhere she couldgo, where there were people who loved her and cared about whathappened to her. It could never make up for the loss of Vincent'slove, but it was so much more than she had even hoped for in itsplace. Through the long lonely years to come, at least she would havethem.

Geoffrey was already waiting as she stepped off the ladder andturned. He was brushed and scrubbed to within an inch of his life,and he was wearing his best breeches and a lovely white shirt whichshe noted, with a fluttering heart, was an exact miniature of the oneVincent had worn on their first anniversary. I wonder who added thattouch? she thought wryly. Geoffrey offered her his hand, and as shetook it, he brought the other from behind his back and gave her awhite rose.

"Oh, Geoffrey, how lovely!" Catherine exclaimed. "Thank you somuch." Geoffrey ducked his head in embarrassment as they turned tobegin their walk to the Home Tunnels, and said, "Well, I knew youwere feeling kind of bad...about Vincent and all...so I thought theflower might cheer you up."

"You were right. I am feeling very bad about Vincent. And yes --the rose does cheer me up. You are very thoughtful, Geoffrey. I'mlucky to have such a good friend." Catherine squeezed his hand, andthey continued on in silence.

As Catherine and Geoffrey approached the concert space, shenoticed that all the seating areas were already filled. But at oneside, near the spiral stairs, there was a large armchair standingempty. Geoffrey approached it with a proprietary air; it was obviousto Catherine that he had informed everyone that the chair was "his"tonight. He handed her down to sit very formally, then made to sit ather feet. Although carpets covered the rock floor, Catherine couldn'timagine it being a very comfortable place to perch during a concert.She leaned down and whispered to Geoffrey, "Why don't you come uphere and sit by me? If you don't mind being a little scrunched, I'msure it will be more comfortable than the floor."

Geoffrey scrambled up and into the chair without any furtherprodding. It was a bit tight, but Catherine draped an arm around hisshoulders, hugging him close to her. He sighed happily and snuggledagainst her, his own arms encircling her waist. As the concertstarted, Catherine began to stroke Geoffrey's hair, immenselygrateful for the little bundle of love and warmthat her side. Shehad desperately needed some physical comfort this week, and Geoffreywas the only person who had offered it to her. He really is a greatkid, Catherine thought fondly.

Geoffrey, far from concentrating on the music, enjoyed this rarechance to be in such close proximity to Catherine. She was so nice tohim, always taking time to ask him about his schoolwork and what hewas interested in. And she was so easy to talk to -- he could tellher anything, and she wouldn't laugh. He couldn't imagine why Vincentwouldn't want her around anymore, but he was awfully glad that he andFather had persuaded her to return to them. She was the greatest, andhe was proud that everyone could see how fond she was of him. Shesmelled real nice, and she was so soft and warm. Geoffrey felthappier at that moment than he could ever remember being. When helooked up at Catherine, he noted with some surprise that tears weretrickling down her face. It couldn't be because of him; she washolding him so tight. Tentatively, he reached up and brushed thetears from her chin. She looked down at him and smiled, and whisperedto him that the music was so sad. But he didn't think that was whyshe was crying. Instead of dropping his hand back to her waist,Geoffrey captured Catherine's free hand from the chair arm and heldit close, stroking it with his fingers in an attempt to soothe herdistress. Soon he noticed that her tears had stopped falling and shewas hugging him even tighter than before. That made him happierstill.

_ _ _

Vincent had been outraged when Father had entered his chamber thatafternoon, demanding to know what had happened between Catherine andhim. He had told Father that what happened was between the two ofthem, and of concern to no one else. Father had replied that itcertainly was of concern to others, when he tried to force Catherineto cut herself off from everyone who loved her. He then informedVincent that he, as leader of this community, would personally insistthat Catherine continue to be made welcome Below, as the honored andloved Helper she was, irrespective of Vincent's wishes.

"We do not banish a Helper merely because one member of thecommunity has a disagreement with that person, or decides he nolonger wants a relationship with her, Vincent. You know that verywell. I am surprised that you would take it upon yourself to imposeyour will above the will of the entire community."

Vincent was taken aback at the virulence of Father's attack. Hehad assumed that Father would support his decision, especiallyconsidering that the alliance between Father and Catherine had beenshaky even at the best of times. "I merely assumed that, if ourrelationship ended, she would not have any reason to come Below."

"No reason? Have you lost yours, Vincent? She is a friend toeveryone Below, and many of us care for her as if she were our ownflesh and blood. Young Geoffrey, for instance. And Mary. And Olivia.And me. I will not abandon her, especially now, when she obviouslyneeds the comfort and support of her family here Below."

"And what of me, Father? Am I not your family? Do I not need yourcomfort and support?"

"Of course you do, Vincent. But you cannot expect us to read yourmind! When were you planning to tell us that you and Catherine hadceased your...relationship? Were we to gradually notice that younever spoke of her, that she never visited Below anymore, and shrugdismissively?

"I have no idea what prompted this separation, but I stronglydoubt that it was Catherine's idea. Anyone who saw her during yourillness -- the way she cared for you, nursed you, wouldn't leave yourside -- would know that her devotion to you is complete and profound.I will tell you this, Vincent -- it humbled me. I thought Iunderstood her feelings for you, but I had not the slightest idea howdeep they are.

"And now, suddenly, she wants nothing more to do with you? No,Vincent, that is not possible. It is you who have decided that thelove you shared is somehow...ended. Since it is obvious that her lovecontinues unabated, we here Below -- her family -- must makeourselves available to her, to help through this sad time in herlife. You, Vincent, have your good reasons, I'm sure. But you mustforgive me if I say that, while you always have our love, you do notneed the kind of support which Catherine does right now. You madeyour decision, so you must feel...comfortable...with it. Catherinehad the decision imposed upon her. She needs time to heal, and I, forone, intend to be here for her to help her in any way I can. She hasbeen a part of our lives for years, Vincent. I will not forsake hernow. And she is expected tonight for the concert!"

Father turned and hobbled away as fast as his bad hip would lethim. Vincent stood still until Father was out of the room, thenallowed himself to slip bonelessly into his chair. How could he makethem understand? He had to let her go. There was no other way.

_ _ _

As the concert ended, Vincent snuck to the edge of the room andglanced inside. He saw Catherine rise from an armchair and lean downto hug Geoffrey. She placed a soft kiss on his forehead and whisperedsomething to him. He was blushing furiously, so Vincent assumed itwas a compliment he was pleased about. The members of the communitycrowded around Catherine. She was engulfed in warm embraces andgreetings from everyone. As he watched Catherine accept the love ofher Tunnel family, he noted with a start that she was wearing thedress she had worn just for him for their first anniversary. As sheturned, he also saw the crystal pendant dangling from the gold chainwhich he had given her that night. Oh, Catherine! Please understand,I did what was best for us, what had to be done.

Vincent turned reluctantly from what would be a rare sight ofCatherine -- surely he could never be in the same room with her again-- and returned to his chamber. He did not really begrudge her thecomfort of her family Below. The pain of seeing her like thisoccasionally would just have to be borne. He tried to comprehend whata lifetime without Catherine's love would be like. All he could seebefore him was darkness, unrelieved and utter darkness.

_ _ _

Catherine was warmed by the love surrounding her. When the concertwas over, and she had risen to congratulate the orchestra, she foundherself enveloped by the whole community. Each offered a word, a hug,a pat on the back, a kiss on the cheek -- something to show her shewas welcome and she was cherished. She was nearly speechless withgratitude for the generosity of spirit revealed to her. Finally, thecrowd around her thinned and only Geoffrey, Father and Mary remainedby her side. Mary took Geoffrey's hand and asked him to help her getsome tea and cookies for the four of them. Father watched them walkaway for a moment, then turned to Catherine and gestured for her toresume her seat. He himself leaned against the back of a couch, andhe fixed her with a penetrating stare. "How are you doing, mydear?"

She swallowed hard. She hadn't expected Father to inquire sodirectly about her. She tried a shrug and an "OK, I guess." Sheshould have known she couldn't pacify him so easily.

Incredulous, he retorted, "Really, Catherine? I would have thoughtwords like 'utterly devastated' would have more fit the bill. Tryagain, please."

She flashed a small, tight smile and bowed her head inacquiescence to his command. "Father...what can I say? You know howmuch I care for Vincent. He is everything to me. Without him, I feelas if I've fallen into a deep well of hopelessness, and I can't findmy way out. I love him so much!" She paused, considering her nextwords. They would shock the older man, but she had to tell him. "Iwould do anything for him. And if what he wants from me is to let himgo, then I must. He doesn't want me, Father. He was very clear aboutthat. He doesn't love me anymore, and he doesn't want me in his life.I have to respect his wishes. If that's all he wants from me, thenthat is what I must do."

He was shocked, and made no attempt to hide his feelings. "Even ifin respecting his wishes, you are destroying your own chance forhappiness?" He shook his head ruefully. "I thought you had morespunk, my dear! You always struck me as a woman who does not give upwithout a fight. I have seen you in full battle cry, occasionallywhen the battle was taken to me, so I know what I'm talking about.Why won't you fight for what you want now?"

The pain in her heart was reflected in the harsh whisper withwhich she uttered her next words. "Because I have no one to fight.Vincent doesn't love me. There is no offensive I can mount whichcould overcome that simple fact."

Catherine shrugged her shoulders as she looked up at Father. "Ihonestly don't know what happened, Father. As recently as two weeksago, I would have sworn that Vincent's love for me was deep andabiding. Through our Bond, I felt...everything -- his heart was full,Father, and it beat for me. But now...I don't know. Somethingchanged. But I don't have any idea what."

In a low, confiding voice, Father acknowledged, "He is stillvery...fragile, Catherine. His emotional state is...unsteady... atbest. His recovery is far from complete. I cannot believe that hetruly knows what he wants right now."

Wryly, she responded, "He seemed very much in control when last wespoke, Father." But her brief show of bleak amusement vanished as sheasked, "Has he spoken to you about it? Did he give you anyinsight?"

Father shook his head regretfully. "Not really, Catherine. Hedidn't tell anyone that he had ended his relationship with you. Ionly found out about it when Geoffrey showed me your note. If youhadn't sent it...God knows when we'd have realized what had happened.Vincent would not speak of it to me. When I confronted him thisafternoon, his only thoughts were about your presence here tonight."He leaned forward, squeezing her forearm with one hand, as he said,"I told him in no uncertain terms that he cannot banish you from ourhome or our hearts, and that you are welcome...and expected...herealways."

Catherine stood and embraced the old man. "You have no idea howglad I was to receive your note today telling me that. I wasso...lost, thinking I'd never be able to see you all again, share inyour lives, be healed by your love. You have no reason to want mehere, but I appreciate it, more than you can know, that you do."

Father cleared his throat and returned her embrace with a roughone of his own. "Every reason in the world. You are a part of us. Youare our family, as we are yours. Family is forever, Catherine. Youwill always have a place here, with us." He pulled away but kept hishands on her shoulders as he gazed deeply into her eyes. "But I pleadwith you, do not let this state of affairs between you and Vincentlast. I cannot believe that he truly meant it when he said he nolonger loved you. There is some reason he is pushing you away, somerational explanation for his actions. You cannot allow him to prevailin this, please, Catherine."

Sensing her distress at his words and assuming it was merelytiredness that prevented her from engaging his son in furtherdiscussion, he said, "If you do not feel up to speaking with himtonight, then perhaps you should return another time...but soon...and have it out with him. Confront him, Catherine. Force him toexplain himself. This separation is causing too much pain. Althoughhe won't admit it, Vincent feels it as strongly as you."

Catherine's hesitant nod betrayed her lack of conviction. Vincenthad been quite clear...and quite adamant. But this man who knew himso well was urging her to disregard her better judgment -- well,perhaps she should listen to him. "If you think it might do somegood, Father, of course I'll try." Her trepidation at the thought ofconfronting Vincent caused her voice to quaver as she explained. "I'mjust afraid...one of the last things he said to me was that he didnot wish to be cruel to me. I shudder to think what that means." Shesmiled ruefully. "I'm...not in such great shape emotionally either,Father. Seeing the way he looked at me --so coldly, without anyaffection in his eyes -- it was like a knife twisting in my heart. Ittakes more courage than I can muster right now to defy his expresswishes and face those eyes again. "

The patriarch of the Tunnels noted her pale, drawn face and herbleak expression. The thought crossed his mind that tonight he mighthave done more harm than good by pressing her so hard to resolvethings with his son. Catherine seemed on the verge of tears, and hehadn't meant to distress her at all, but to offer encouragement.She'd come Below tonight for comfort, and he had obviously made herfeel worse. He sighed. Sometimes he thought he understood humannature, and at other times, he seemed to stumble blindly when thepeople he loved most needed him.

Hovering in the doorway, Geoffrey heard most of the exchangebetween Father and Catherine. He hadn't meant to, but he was soconcerned about Catherine, and he knew she was unhappy. He was gladFather was being so nice to her, but he shouldn't force her to standup to Vincent when Vincent is angry. Geoffrey determined to dosomething about all this, for his dear friend Catherine. He steppedfurther into the room.

Glad of the interruption, hoping it would allow Catherine time toregain her equilibrium, Father greeted the youngster. "Ah, here isGeoffrey with our cookies. Is Mary coming with the tea?"

He nodded. "She'll be here soon."

Beckoning him closer, Father instructed, "Well, come here, boy, byme, and let's try one of those cookies."

Geoffrey set the plate down on a nearby table. "I'd...I'd love to,Father. But...I have something...really important...I've gotta dofirst."

"More important than cookies?" Father looked dubious. "Well, allright, if it's that important, but hurry back."

"I will, I promise." And with that, Geoffrey dashed from the room.He hurried to Vincent's chamber and called to him.

"Vincent? It's me, Geoffrey. Can I come in?"

Vincent bade him enter, and Geoffrey walked in.

Without preamble, he advised the imposing older man, "Vincent, Ihave something I have to talk to you about."

Vincent nodded encouragingly at him. Geoffrey strode up to him,fists clenched. He took a deep breath and began to speak. "I'm reallymad at you right now. The way you treated Catherine was terrible. Shewas crying during the concert. She told me it was 'cause the musicwas sad, but I know it was because of you. She's so nice, Vincent,how could you make her cry?"

He was shaking inside at the thought of lecturing his teacher, butwhat he had to say was important, so he braced himself to continue."Father's in there right now trying to convince her to come here andtalk to you, and you know what she's doing? She's defending you,trying to explain what you did, when she doesn't understand itherself. But she loves you so much that she thinks you know what'sbest." His face reddened and he yelled, "Well, you don't. If youthink what's best is making Catherine cry, then you don't know what'sbest." Catching himself, he forced his voice lower as he said, "I'mnot so young that I don't remember what you were like beforeCatherine -- you were always sad. Catherine makes you smile, Vincent,more than anyone else can. And you haven't been smiling lately, sinceyou made her leave you. Why did you do it? Why?"

Vincent was shocked at this outburst from such an unexpectedsource. He knew that Geoffrey was a sensitive boy, but he never knewhe had such courage. To stand up to what must be the most formidablepresence he had known in his young life, to defend the happiness ofan adored friend, was courage beyond words. Vincent knelt to respondto him.

"Geoffrey, I know Catherine would thank you for your concern ifshe knew you were here. You have a great and valorous heart. I admirethat. But how can I make you understand why I had to send her away?It is very complicated."

"Try me, Vincent." The boy put a small hand on one broad, heavilymuscled shoulder and patted it encouragingly.

A rare smile broke across Vincent's face at the youngster'scomment, but was wiped away almost immediately by a cloudy look. Hebegan to speak as if from a distance, his eyes focused over the youngboy's shoulder, somewhere beyond the room. "Geoffrey, when Iwas...sick, I had...horrible...awful dreams. More like nightmares.They seemed so real, as if I was living them. I had no idea I wasonly dreaming. And in those dreams...I somehow lostmy...connection...my Bond...with Catherine. And worse, much worse."

He tore his gaze from the remembrance and turned anguished eyes tothe youngster. His voice was only a harsh, hoarse whisper. "I...oh,Geoffrey, I hate to tell you this...I...lost her. She...died. And Icould do nothing to save her. She was held captive by terrible men,and by the time I got to her...all I could do was...watch her die." Adeep shudder shook his massive frame, then he went on. "I awoke frommy nightmare, only to find that our Bond was, indeed, broken. YetCatherine was there...and still warm and alive."

The big man stood and turned to lean with both arms against hiswriting table. His head was lowered so that his hair hid his face,and he seemed to be controlling his voice only with great effort."I...have thought about this...for a long time, Geoffrey...and I haveconcluded that the nightmare was a...warning. It was sent to me toshow me what would happen if I continued to let Catherine love me. Ilet her go...I sent her away...because I cannot bear to relive thatnightmare. She is too precious to me." He turned back to the boy andleaned down, grasping him by his thin shoulders. " I cannot allow herto fulfill that dark omen. She must be free. So I had to do it. I hadto. Do you understand now?"

Geoffrey was frighten by the intensity in the older man's voice,and in the deeply grieving eyes that bore into his. This was justawful! Poor Vincent! No wonder he was so sad.

He realized that Vincent was waiting for his reply. But first, hetried to convey his sympathy by patting the older man's cheek withone hand. He noted in a small corner of his mind that what he'dalways thought would be rough stubble was actually soft and nubby,like velvet. "I think I understand, Vincent. You're afraid somethingmight happen to her. But she's really hurt. She doesn't understand.Why can't you tell her what you just told me?"

Vincent's face hardened, and his voice rasped harshly as hereplied, "I cannot, Geoffrey, and neither must you. She must believethat I no longer care for her. That is the only way she would agreeto leave me. She must learn to live another life, one withoutme."

The youngster thought hard and fast. He had to find a way to helpCatherine be happy again. "Vincent, how do you know that's what yournightmare really meant? Narcissa told me once that dreams have manymeanings. You think your dream was about Catherine dying because sheloves you. But what if it wasn't? What if what it meant was, becauseyou weren't with her anymore, she died? See? It could mean otherthings, too. Like...maybe...she got sick, or something, and theterrible men were like...cancer, you know? I'd feel just awful ifsomeone didn't like me anymore, and I found out it was 'cause of adream!"

Vincent's face drained of color as he spoke, and Geoffrey becamefrightened at the effect of his words on the older man. He grabbedVincent's shoulders and started to shake him. "Vincent, are you OK?Vincent? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Are you OK?"

Vincent grasped the young boy's hands and rose. "Yes, Geoffrey,I'm fine. Thank you for coming to see me. You cannot know how muchyour...advice...has helped me. I must think now, but...you have shownyourself a true friend tonight, not just to Catherine...but to me aswell. Go now."

Geoffrey smiled at Vincent, then backed a step, turned, and ranout of the room, and he didn't stop until he got to the concertchamber.

Catherine turned as she saw the boy rush in and said, "Where haveyou been? The tea is all gone, but I managed to save a few cookiesfor you from Father's ravenous jaws!"

Father harrumphed, then stood and pronounced the eveningofficially over. He placed a kiss on Catherine's forehead, then onGeoffrey's, and went off to his bed. Mary told Catherine not to worryabout the tea things, and then remarked pointedly that it was timeyoung men took their "dates" home and then got themselves to bed.

Geoffrey took the hint and, munching the last of the cookies,clasped Catherine's hand and started for the tunnels. As they walked,his companion hummed a strain of the music from the concert.Suddenly, from around a corner, Vincent stepped into view. Catherinefroze, the tune dying in her throat. She squeezed Geoffrey's handconvulsively.

Geoffrey looked at Vincent, then at Catherine. Determinedly hetugged at Catherine's hand, pulling her reluctantly along until sheand Vincent were face to face. Geoffrey looked up at his teacher andsaid, "Vincent, I'm kinda tired. You suppose you could walk Catherineback to her basement for me?" Catherine stared down at him in shockand surprise. "Geoffrey, I don't think..."

"It's OK, Catherine," he replied. "It'll be OK, won't it,Vincent?"

Vincent gazed into Catherine's eyes, and she was mesmerized by allthat she saw in his. Whatever dark cloud had passed over them wasgone now, and they shone with a familiar loving light. Vincent heldhis hand out for Catherine's, and Geoffrey relinquished it. Tearingher eyes from Vincent's beloved face, Catherine turned to Geoffreyand placed her other hand on his head, fondly tousling his curls."Thank you, Geoffrey. It was a wonderful evening."

As Geoffrey ducked and started back down the corridor, he calledout to Catherine, "It'll get better. I promise!"