A MATTER OF KNOWING

By Nightwalker87

Author's Note: This is a companion piece to "A Matter of Wanting"although each can be read independently.

Vincent took the headphones off. Absentmindedly, he held the setin his hands focusing on the brand name, "Koss," emblazoned there. Hedid not know of the company but assumed that it was quality maker ofheadsets. He based that judgement on the quality of the musicemerging from the headset and his knowledge of Catherine.

Recently, she had begun to expand his musical horizons. Althoughthe classical music remained a favorite of both, Catherine hadintroduced him to other types of music three months ago. In thebeginning, he was reluctant to embark on what she had termed "themagical, mystery tour." He was adamant that modern musicians could inno way compare themselves to the great composers of the past:Schubert, Gregg, Beethoven and the others. Over a period of time andmuch to his chagrin, he had been proven wrong.

Two weeks of listening convinced him that the newer artists werenot competitors of the earlier musicians. Instead, they wereattempting to create their own bit of lasting pleasure. In this,Vincent surmised, some had succeeded while others had failed or werestill trying. He did not like John Denver although the man sangfrequently of love, freedom, and wide-open spaces; themes with whichVincent could identify. Despite that, something in the man's musicleft him cold. Catherine's adventure thus far had beenpleasurable.

Lately, sensing that it was all coming too quickly, she hadslacked off. For the last three weeks, Catherine had brought him onlyballads and folk songs. Patiently, eagerly, he had listened to themall: Dylan, Manilow, Ste. Marie, Seager, Mathias, Streisand, Warwick,and Redding. He was not certain of his feeling about Dylan. He lovedthe lyrics of the composer/singer but found Dylan's voice grating. Aswas his habit, Vincent never let first impressions guide him.Instead, he listened repeatedly to an artist before making ajudgement.

Currently, he was listening to the works of Neil Diamond. Over thepast five days, he had listened to two Diamond albums and was workinghis way through the third, "I'm Glad You're Hear With Me Tonight."The full orchestral arrangements done by Diamond appealed to him. Heliked the resonance of sound in the songs almost as much as thewords. However, a song on this last album clutched at Vincent'sbeing. It moved him in ways he could define. The lyrics haunted andspoke to him as though they had been written for him. They weresimple lyrics yet in their simplicity, they conveyed all that he wasand all he felt about Catherine. He was still pondering the song whena voice spoke behind him, startling him.

"Vincent." Jaimee's voice softly floated towards him.

He shook himself aware that her presence in his chamber hadsurprised him. Managing not to wince at the intrusion, he turnedtoward the entrance. There, he noticed the slight youngster who stoodposed in the opening. Her eyes were deep pools of a shade of brownthat always reminded him of October leaves. The vibrant intense brownbespoke the intelligence and romanticism of the young woman. Her hairas usual was hidden beneath the miner's helmet.

Jaimee stood at less than 5'6" tall. Yet something about heralways commanded and drew a deference far beyond her years. Vincentsuspected that part of her presence had to do with her bravery. Shewould face any foe that threatened her world. Father she deferred toas did everyone in the Community Below. Vincent, despite his age andheight, she treated as a beloved older brother who was sometimesstubborn and, oftentimes, careless particularly where Catherine wasconcerned. As such, he had to be occasionally reminded of his ownfoolhardiness and then firmly pointed to the right path.

"Jaimee! What is it?" he asked.

"Mouse is working three levels below and needs your help inremoving some boulders. Can you come?" she asked shyly for that washer way.

"Or course, I will come," he responded, rising. Carefully, heplaced the earphones next the cassette player that Catherine hadcalled a "boom box."

Picking up his cloak, he followed her out. As they walked throughthe tunnels, he vowed he would think about the song and its meaninglater.

THREE DAYS LATER:

Vincent was at the Mirror Pool, one of his favorite spots sincechildhood. In its watery surface, he could see the reflection of thesky of the world Above. Looking into the pool, all he saw wasblackness from the above. An impeding storm had blotted out thestars. Mouse's project had taken longer than expected to complete.After joining the community for the evening meal, he rushed to theMirror Pool collecting the cassette player and earphones along theway.

Now he sat relaxing against a wall, listening to the tape. Oncethe song ended, he removed the headset and sighed. His head wasbowed; the red gold mane shielding his expression from scrutinythough he doubted anyone would come to the pool at this hour.

Again, the song had captured him. Its lyrics had sent him soaringwhile plunging him to despair. How, he thought, could a song send himinto two different directions. He shook his head at the idea. Yin andyang is what the song evoked. However, he knew what he felt forCatherine was neither yin nor yang. Rather, it was a steady, glowingbeacon calling to him to follow. Calling to him as she had in the weehours two weeks ago.

Through their bond, her need, her wanting had wrapped itselfaround him like an octopus. The tentacles of need had been strong andthe wanting so fierce that he had barely managed to remain Below.That he had not gone Above had been Catherine's doing. She hadtempered the siren call of the bond. As it was, he spent theremainder of that night walking the tunnels trying to regain somecontrol while aching for her touch.

Oh Catherine, he pondered as he sat staring into the pool, howmuch longer can I fight you and myself? That I love you, you know.To venture beyond the words to express my love in the next realmfrightens me. I am terrified of losing you. To lose you would be tolose myself; to lose life.

Wearily, his head dropped onto his bent knees as he wrapped hisarms around them. Shifting slightly, he drew them closer to hischest. As he recalled the words of the song, his eyes filled withunshed tears.

"I may not always love you

But as long as there are stars above you

You'll never need to doubt it

I'll make you so sure about it

Because God only know what I'd be without you.

And if you should ever leave me

Life would still go on believe me

So what good would living do me?

God only knows what I'd be without you

God only knows what I'd be without you."*

And I know. Without you, Catherine, I am nothing.

THE END

*"Good Only Knows" words by B. Wilson and T. Asher. Recorded byNeil Diamond for CBS Records (a Sony company).