FAR FROM HOME

JoAnn Baca

Catherine heard the muffled sobs coming from a side corridor abouthalf-way between her basement entrance to the tunnels and the maincluster of living chambers. It was unusual to run into anyone oncasual business this far from the hub, but the sounds wereunmistakably human. Cautiously, she stepped through a low archway andheaded in the direction of the sobbing. The murky darkness and uneventerrain made for slow going. A dozen yards into her detour she almoststumbled upon a crumpled form lying in the center of the gloom-filledtunnel. Choked whimpers were emanating from a very dirty, very skinnychild. Catherine bent and gently touched the child's shoulder,simultaneously murmuring, "It's all right. You're safe now."

The child stiffened suddenly in surprise and jerked away from heroutstretched hand. Startled out of crying for the moment, she staredat Catherine. Her dark brown hair hung in plump ringlets around asolemn little face. She reminded Catherine of a pouting cherub from aRenaissance painting - Although none of those cherubs haddirt-smudged faces, she thought with a smile.

Catherine made no further move toward the girl, who looked no morethan three years old. She only returned the child's gaze with afriendly one of her own. Slowly, the small girl relaxed, apparentlydetermining that Catherine looked trustworthy. The youngster rose toher knees, sat back on her haunches, and with two grubby fists,proceeded to knuckle away the tears which had begun welling again.Catherine gave her a quick visual once-over to ascertain she had nophysical injuries. The child appeared to be perfectly healthy -- andperfectly miserable.

Catherine ventured a question, hoping to establish how the littlegirl had come to be in this uninhabited section of the tunnels."What's your name, little one?"

A tiny voice sobbed out, " 'Rissa."

"And how did you get down here, 'Rissa?" Catherine pitched hervoice low, trying to calm the anxious girl.

The child was crying in earnest now, her little body shivering infright and distress. "Wif... my Mo..." She hiccupped, then continued,"...my Mommy."

Catherine wished she could gather the trembling youngster againsther breast and soothe her fears, but she knew that any move towardher might be interpreted as a threat right now. "Don't cry,sweetheart. I'm going to help you find your Mommy, OK?"

A hesitant, hopeful nod was followed by a whispered, " 'K."

'Rissa seemed to be able to communicate well enough, so Catherineasked her, "Do you know where your Mommy is now?"

"Lost." Well, that's true enough, Catherine thought wryly.The tot was not going to make this easy for her.

She tried another angle. "What's your Mommy's name, 'Rissa?"

She was not at all surprised to hear the response. "Mommy."

Come on, Chandler, she reprimanded herself. A brightattorney like you ought to be able to finagle some useful answers outof this difficult witness! "How aboutanyone else? Are there any names you can remember?"

The child sank into thought, her crying subsiding, then offered,"S'manfa...'n' Eric."

Eureka! "You know Samantha and Eric?" Catherine wasrelieved, but asked to be sure.

The little girl nodded. "My fwends," she announced proudly,hiccupping again after her recent bout of tears.

'Rissa didn't look familiar to her, but it was possible she was anew arrival or a Helper's child who had wandered off into the outertunnels. Assuredly she was being searched for by some very anxiousand worried people. "Do you and your Mommy live...in thetunnels?"

The girl nodded vigorously. "Uh huh." The log jam was breaking asthe child warmed to her task of imparting information.

Catherine knew enough now to reunite the child with her parent,but couldn't help asking, "How did you get so far from where yourMommy is, 'Rissa?"

" Woke up...had to go baffwoom. Found it all by mysewf!" Sheflashed a proud grin at Catherine. Then her expression grew cloudyonce more. "Couldn't find my Mommy. It was dark. Got sca-owed. Iwalked and walked and walked. Wanna go ho..home!" Her lowerlip trembled violently, and tears formed again at the corners of hereyes and spilled copiously down her grimy cheeks. Catherine tenderlybrushed them away.

"Don't worry, 'Rissa, I know how to get you back to whereSamantha, Eric and your Mommy are. If you stop crying, I'll show youa special secret. Do you like secrets?"

Another nod, and the tears dwindled.

With a conspiratorial whisper, Catherine informed her, "This is agrown-up secret. But I'm going to share it with you because you aresuch a big brave girl. Will you come here?" She held out her hand tothe girl.

The child moved closer to Catherine, then shyly grasped her hand.Catherine squeezed the girl's fingers in response and smiled warmlyat her, then turned to face the tunnel wall. She pointed with herfree hand as she said, "See these pipes? They run across all thewalls down here. If..." She smiled down at the child, then continued,"...if your Mommy ever gets lost again, here's what to do -- pick upa rock or take off your shoe and bang on the pipes, like this."Catherine demonstrated with a rock, producing a satisfactory clangingnoise which delighted the little girl. She handed the rock to thechild. "Now you try."

'Rissa banged happily away on the pipe for a short while, until aresponding clanging could be heard. "Do you hear that? Someone knowswe're here now. See how easy that is? So you never have to worryabout getting lost again. Just remember to bang on a pipe, OK?"

A sober nod showed her the little one understood.

"I'm going to send a message now, using a special way of bangingon the pipes, so Samantha and Eric and your Mommy will know we're onour way back to them." She tapped out: Catherine - found - girl;meet - Vincent - chamber.

Tossing the rock back to the tunnel floor, she dusted off her handon her jeans. "OK, 'Rissa. Now let's get you back to your Mommy." Shescooped up the tiny child, who wrapped her arms tightly aroundCatherine's neck and laid her head against her shoulder in utterexhaustion.

Catherine rocked her body as she rubbed the girl's back, crooningto her as she did, "You're a brave little one. Rest now." Soon theregular breathing under her ear let Catherine know that she hadsoothed the child into a doze. Hopefully, when she next awoke, she'dbe in her mother's arms.

Humming her own Mother's lullaby, Catherine walked as quickly asshe dared with her precious burden, long habit guiding her footstepson the journey.

Some time later, she approached Vincent's chamber through a smallcrowd of relieved looking tunnel dwellers. As she suspected, thesearch had been frantic and frustrating, and everyone wanted toassure themselves that all was well before resuming their dailyduties. The friendly gauntlet she ran included a worried Mary, whoinspected the sleeping child with deft hands, then broke into agrateful smile. Mouse came up to her next, anxiously hopping fromfoot to foot; he peered at the toddler, then whispered, "OK, good!"Rebecca, Olivia, William and several others welcomed Catherine withmurmured greetings, a squeeze of her free shoulder, or a warm pat onthe back.

When she turned into the entry to Vincent's chamber, Father,Vincent and a nearly hysterical young woman Catherine had never metrose from their seats and rushed to her. As if afraid to ask, thetearful woman moaned, "Is she...is she OK?" She looked younger thanBrooke and twice as slender, and she had enormous brown eyes whichbegged for reassurance. Catherine saw a grown-up version of young'Rissa, tumbled brown curls and all. Vincent introduced them quietly."Catherine, this is Mara. She's only been with us a few days."

Catherine nodded to Mara, hastening to console her. "She seems tobe fine, just very tired."

As Catherine began to shift the child into her mother'soutstretched arms, the girl awoke. Seeing Mara's tear-streaked face,she squealed, "Mommy!" and launched herself from Catherine's embrace,her new friend forgotten in the excitement of seeing her motheragain. Mara only just caught the wriggling armful, then hugged herfiercely as the child placed sloppy wet kisses on her mother'sneck.

Catherine gingerly rubbed her hip where the child's foot hadplanted to push off. For a tiny thing, she had packed quite a kick;she was sure to have a bruise there, but she really didn't mind. Justwatching the reunion before her was payment enough for any minordents in her fender. Brushing the child's hair softly with her hand,she spoke to the young mother. "You have a very brave little girl.She just has a bad sense of direction. She says she got lost comingback from the 'baffwoom'!"

Father grasped Catherine's hand and muttered a quick, "Bless you,"before he shooed his young charges out of the chamber, solicitouslyadvising Mara that, although the first order of business, if shethought it wise, might be a bowl of William's chicken soup beforeMarissa was put to bed, a lesson on the pipes when both were restedwould not be amiss. Their voices faded as they walked further downthe corridor, and soon there was no sound but the distant ping ofpipes and the low rumbling of a subway train. Catherine turned toVincent and remarked, "I really know how to make an entrance, don'tI!"

Vincent smiled at her self-deprecation, but gently contradictedher. "You are a hero, Catherine."

She snorted at his description. "Nonsense. I just did what anyoneelse would have in the same situation. It was pure luck that Istumbled upon her on my way here." She crossed to his bed and madeherself comfortable on it, sitting cross-legged after she had pulledher shoes off.

Vincent persisted. "Catherine, you have done so much -- and notjust for little Marissa, but for everyone Below."

Blushing under his earnest gaze, she protested, "I love everyonehere. They're my family. Of course I do what I can."

He shook his head, unwilling to let her dismiss the importance ofher contributions so easily. "It's more than that, Catherine. I knowyou give what you can of material things, as all our Helpers do. Butyou also give so much of yourself. You always make time for thechildren - to talk with them, encourage them, listen to them.Whenever a crisis occurs Below, you are here for us - and you've putyourself in peril many times for one of ours." Shaking his headagain, this time in amusement, he said, "Even if it's only Williamneeding more hands to help chop onions...." He paused for a moment,as if unsure whether to continue, then his voice dropped to a huskymurmur as he added, "You let me...unburden myself to you...and yougive me so much...happiness. Yet you ask nothing for yourself inreturn."

Smiling tenderly at his fervent admission, she replied, "I'm notentirely selfless, Vincent...especially when it comes to you." Sheshifted on the bed and patted the patched comforter beside her,urging him to sit. After he had, she took his nearer hand and claspedit between both of hers. So you can't escape, my love, shethought to herself. Catherine took a deep breath and began to speakin earnest.

" I realized something today after finding 'Rissa so far from thehome tunnels...crying, lost, sad. As I carried her here, I thought ofhow like her I am. My feet are more leaden the farther I get fromthis chamber. My heart gets heavier too. I miss you terribly wheneverI'm not with you -- I ache to my soul. And it's gotten worse thelonger I've known you."

She noted his tension, the unnatural stillness that had settledover him at her words. In a voice thick with emotion, she added,"There's no cure for this, Vincent, no cure but one that I know of. Iwant to come home."

His intense stare was hooded, it gave away nothing. Catherine grewdesperate. How could she make him understand? How could she convincehim how sure she was about this decision?

She could feel her chin tremble but was powerless to stop it - herfeelings were getting too strong to suppress. "I know I tried...andfailed...before, but I came Below that time for the wrong reasons. Iwas confused, grieving -- I wasn't ready to step into my future. AndI know I...disappointed you when I left." She squeezed his hand, thenlifted it to her face and brushed her cheek tenderly against thedowny fur. "But I never lost sight of our dream -- it's all that'skept me going some days."

Raising her face to his, she willed him to hear her with hisheart. "I've been restless Above for months now, and today I finallyunderstand why. I feel like I did after the attack -- after I metyou. I went Above then and I changed my life completely. I know nowthat I was only..." she struggled for a description, "...forming mychrysalis. The life I've been leading has been shaping me forsomething else -- for my true destiny. I need to change again -- tobecome..." she smiled in embarrassment, then shrugged and continuedher strained metaphor, "...the butterfly I was meant to be. But I canonly do that with your help."

He sat as still as a statue, his hand resting in hers. His facewas a mask. He was not encouraging her to go on, but merely waitingfor her to finish, she was somehow sure. Tendrils of hopelessnessbegan to weave their insidious coils around her heart, squeezing thelifeblood from her dreams. What would she do if he would not bemoved? Doggedly, she continued.

"We're both miserable now, even though we don't speak of it. Youwon't ask, so I have to say it. I want to move Below, Vincent, so wecan be together -- truly together. Nothing less is acceptable,not any longer. This is our destiny. We must embrace it!" Hervoice had risen slightly with the tension of her emotional state. Nowshe took a deep breath and forced herself to speak calmly. "For toolong we've left this...situation...unaddressed, and our...inabilityto move forward will begin to corrode our lives if we don't getbeyond it. As you once said, we must go with courage and with care.You were right - and it's about time we did that. Please,Vincent...please. There is no other choice for us now. If wedon't move toward love...."

As Catherine was speaking, a tiny blur rushed into the room andthrew itself onto her lap. Surprised and delighted to see 'Rissaagain so soon, Catherine slid off the bed to kneel beside her,hugging her warmly and giving her a sound kiss on the cheek. "Well,little one! Did you find your way here all by yourself?"

"Mommy hepped. Wanna say night-night." Little arms wrappedthemselves around Catherine's neck and held her tightly for amoment.

Catherine stroked 'Rissa's riot of ringlets in response. "Goodnight, sweetheart. Have happy dreams."

Innocent eyes pleaded with her. "Will you be here when I wakeup?"

Catherine was unsure of how to reply. How does someone explainsuch a complex situation to a child? As she struggled to answer,Vincent provided her response.

"She'll be here, Marissa. Whenever you want to see her...she'll behere."

Over the top of the little girl's head, Catherine gazed into theserene blue eyes of the man she loved and knew that she finallyhad...come home.