Above Below, in the Distracted Attorney'sOffice, Joey Maxill was reclining on Catheter Candlemaker's desk.Popping another cheese-covered chocolate drop into his mouth, hebatted his thickly fringed baby browns at Catheter and leered at her."So, Rodcleft, how about tripping the light fantastic with me? Youcan wear that red dress I've heard so much about."

Catheter leaned back in her chair, archingher back as she crossed one stocking-clad leg sensuously over theother. She ogled him from head to toe and thought to herself, "Howcome I never realized how hot my pal Joey is? Should I or shouldn'tI?"

Below Above, Vincenzo was slaving away inthe slime-coated, mud-soaked, sewage-flooded tunnels. Knee-deep insludge, little did he know his grand amour was fighting offtemptation Above Below. Heaving the five hundred pound wooden beamonto his mighty shoulders, he called to his fellow tunnel dweller,"The beam is up, Snotty!"

In an instant, Vincenzo was enveloped in aray of sparkling lights, breaking his body down to its basicmolecular level. He disappeared.

Catheter's amorous musings were interruptedby the rap, Rap, RAPPING on all the air ducts in the room. A messagefrom Below!

Catheter's head snapped up as the messagetook form in her mind. Vincenzo has disappeared! Catheter gasped asher soul was filled with an emptiness deeper than the Abyss. Her gazetook in the single, lush red rose in its vase on her desk. It beganto wilt and die, the petals dropping off one by one to lay likedroplets of blood. It was her duty as his bond-mate to go Below andfind him!

Catheter surged out of her chair and lungedforward. Joey's libido rose. She vaulted over the desk and him. Hislibido fell.

Racing to the bank of elevators, Catheterpunched buttons wildly. Finally she heard a car coming through theclosed double doors but it didn't stop. Using her adrenaline inducedstrength, she pried the doors open and jumped on top of thedescending car.

Meanwhile, Vincenzo had been beamed aboardthe Star Ship Booby Prize. Lieutenant Commandant Snot greeted him asCaptain Burp entered the transporter room.

"Welcome aboard, Mr. . . .?" pumped CaptainBurp.

"Vincenzo," he answered looking around theroom with wide eyes.

"Ah, Mr. Smock," said the Captain to hisFirst Officer who had just entered the room, "We have anotherone."

"Yes, Sir," agreed Mr. Smock checking histricorder. "This would be number 62943 from the planetKzinti."

"I'm confused," stated Vincenzo. "Why am Ihere?"

"Well, it's rather complicated. You see, youwere left on Earth thirty-five years ago. There was a glitch in themanual overdrive and Snotty forgot where he left the twisted torquewrench," the Captain said, throwing the engineer a withering look."Then, to top it off, your parents lost your boarding pass for thecommuter Star Ship you were going on next. They had to leave youbehind."

"But I was just a baby!" protestedVincenzo.

"I know," the Captain answered shrugging hisshoulders. "But, you know how it is, rules is rules."

"Some weeks ago, the Federales passed a lawstating all abandoned passengers were to be picked up and returned totheir point of origin," Mr. Smock explained.

Vincenzo was distressed to hear this. "Whatabout Catheter and Big Daddy?" he asked.

"They'll have to buy a ticket just likeeveryone else," said the Captain matter-of-factly.

Sliding to a stop in Big Daddy's chamber,Catheter took a second to catch her breath.

"Ahh, Catheter, how nice to see you. Howhave you been?" Big Daddy greeted calmly as he sat at a table coveredwith an on-going chess game. "Rat and I are just having a game. Wouldyou like some tea?"

"Nice to see you too. I'm fine, no I don'twant any tea. Vincenzo is missing," said Catheter, trying to getright down to the real nitty gritty of her visit Below.

"Oh, really? I heard that. He does that fromtime to time. I wouldn't worry if I were you," he answereddistractedly.

"Big Daddy, he vanished into thin air infront of a witness!" she shrilled.

"Intriguing," said Big Daddy, not looking upfrom the chess board.

"Rat," said Catheter beseechingly, "Can youshow me where it happened?"

"Can't do now. Busy. Will tell though," saidRat in his unique style of verbalism.

"If you'll follow Lieutenant Deadbody in thered shirt, he'll escort you to your quarters," instructed CaptainBurp.

The Lieutenant motioned Vincenzo out of thetransporter room and into the corridor.

"Where are we going?" inquiredVincenzo.

"Your quarters are in Area 51," answered theLieutenant.

Catheter picked her way over the rock-strewnpath, traveling deeper and deeper into the tunnels as Rat hadinstructed. Coming to a fork in the caverns she tried to remember,left or right? Deciding the left path would be the right choice, shecontinued on. It wasn't long before Catheter realized her mistake.The torches that had lit the path were no longer present. All she hadto rely on now was her Marvin Martian flashlight, casting its feeble,wavering glow ahead of her steps. Feeling her way past outcrops ofrock, she suddenly felt material under her hand. Gasping, she fellback a step. A voice from out of the darkness spoke toher.

"Good evening. Are you looking for yourfurry friend in the cape?" asked the unknown voice.

Catheter raised the flashlight to illuminatethe figure hanging upside down from the ceiling. "Who are you?" sheasked, knowing she had never seen this particular person at any ofthe gatherings Below.

"I'm Knick A. Nacht," he answered, hiscultured voice slippy-sliding over Catheter, giving hergoosebumps.

"What's the 'A' stand for?" she askedcuriously.

" 'At', but that's not important. Searchingfor Vincenzo are you?"

"Why yes, have you seen him?" asked Catheterhopefully.

"Only as he was disappearing. It was quite ashow. Very impressive. Since he probably won't be coming backtonight, if ever, I would love to have you for dinner," Knickoffered.

Totally clueless, Catheter thought it overfor a few seconds then declined. She really should look for Vincenzo,no matter how enticing Knick's offer was.

"I know someone who might be able to helpyou," said Knick.

"Who?" asked Catheter, ready to do whateverwas necessary.

"Diaphragm Bendit. She works for the SpecialFarces Department of the NYPD. Give her a call, you'll like her,"suggested Knick. "I did," he said, his canines gleaming in thedark.

Catheter gave Knick her thanks and said hergood-byes. As she turned to leave she could feel his glowing, goldeneyes on her back. She sighed longingly. He did have nicefangs.

"Here you are Sir," said the red-shirtedLieutenant. Vincenzo stopped at the door that said DS9.

"Thank you," said Vincenzo, seeing no way toenter. The lieutenant pushed a button on the panel next to the doorand they opened with a "whoosh!" There was a figure standing on theother side of the aperture.

"Hey, dude, welcome! Looks like we're goingto be roomies! I'm Myhrrth from Errth Tutu," said the furry-facedbeing extending one clawed hand to Vincenzo. Myhrrth checked over hisshoulder to make sure the doors had shut and leaned in to whisper toVincenzo, "Whatever you do, don't go on any Away Team missions withthose red shirt guys!"

"Why not?" asked Vincenzo, not knowing whatan 'Away Team' was anyway.

"Because they go but they never come back.Unless its with a tag on their big toe."

Vincenzo glanced around the room he was nowto occupy and saw two large, garishly colored posters on a wall. "Whoare they?" he asked Myhrrth.

"That's Xema and Herbalease. I watch theirshows every week. Although it's hard to pick up sometimes when we'rebetween galaxies," answered Myhrrth with passion.

"Oh."

"I really think you could use a bath, pal.Let me show you how to use the Sonic Shower."

"Bendit here," said the melodious voice onthe phone.

"Ms. Bendit, you don't know me but . .."

"Yes I do. You're Catheter Candlemaker andyou want my help."

"That's right. I'm searching for . .."

"Vincenzo."

"He's . . ."

"Disappeared. Right?"

"Yes. Will you help me . . ."

"This is more than I can handle alone. I'llneed to call in some outside help."

"Who ya gonna call?" askedCatheter.

"Government busters. Come to my loftposthaste."

"ew…ah…eww…ahh…oh…ohh…ohhh…OH…OHH…yes…yess…YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!"

Myhrrth sat on his bunk trying to read hismonthly Galaxy Girl's magazine and was having a hard timeconcentrating due to the noise coming from the SonicShower.

"Geez, it never did that for me," he said tothe room in general.

A short time later Vincenzo emerged from thefacilities with a silly grin on his face. Looking over at his roomiehe stated, "By the way, meant to tell you earlier, niceearring."

"Hey, thanks dude. I got it off a shortfellow with huge ears. We can have one replicated for you," Myhrrthoffered.

"I think I'd like that. So what does one doon a Star Ship?" Vincenzo inquired.

"Well, first let's get you a clean set ofclothes and then how about checking out some babes?" Myhrrthsuggested.

"Cool!"

"Ms. Candlemaker, this is Agent Mouldy andAgent Scullery," said Diaphragm, introducing the strangers in herloft. "They're with the Feudal Bureau of Infestation."

"How do you do," said Catheter, shakinghands with the sober-looking individuals.

"Agents Mouldy and Scullery are with theX-Fools. They investigate strange phenomena outside the normal FBIpurview."

"We'd like to check out the scene of thedisappearance," stated Agent Mouldy.

"Fine. Follow me," instructedCatheter.

As they left Diaphragm's loft, Mouldy leanedover and said to Catheter, "You remind me of an old girlfriend. Maybeyou know her. Sarah Connor?" he asked, entering the loft lift aheadof Catheter.

"Nice buns," thought Catheter as she checkedout Mouldy's posterior.

As Vincenzo and Myhrrth left their quarters,Vincenzo heard the raucous sound of bagpipes. "Where is that comingfrom?" he asked of Myhrrth.

"Oh, try not to mind him, that's just theHighlander, McClod. He only plays them when he's having an argumentwith his roommate, Ramirez."

Lieutenant Commandant Snot nodded toVincenzo and Myhrrth in the corridor as they passed by. Accompanyinghim was a large, bulky automaton.

"I'm so depressed," complained the robot ashe shuffled behind Snot. "I have the brain power of an entire planetand what am I doing? Helping you to repair sonic showers."

"Ah, shut up, you tin can full of spareparts. How did I get saddled with you?" Just then, the ship's doctorcame into view. "Moans!" exclaimed Snot, "You're just the man Iwanted to see!"

Moans approached with a wary eye. "Yes,Snotty, what can I do for you?"

"You can take this stupid robot off myhands, I think he's having a nervous breakdown," answeredSnot.

"Why me?" asked Moans.

"Because I'm an engineer, not apsychiatrist."

"Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,"groaned the robot.

The questing quartet quietly quickened theirsteps down to the world Below Above. Catheter led the way. Reachingthe hub of tunnels, they stumbled upon Big Daddy in a clinch withMarried. Catheter cleared her throat, "Ahem."

Big Daddy reluctantly tore his lips awayfrom Marrieds' as Catheter said,

"Big Daddy, I'm sorry to bring the uninvitedwith me. They're here to help me find Vincenzo."

"Don't be ridiculous my dear, all strangersare welcome down here. If you will excuse us, we were just on our wayto Married's chamber."

On Deck 10, Recreation Room 2, Vincenzo andMyhrrth made their way through the hoards of human and alien beings.They finally found an empty table in the far back corner. ZaphodBeeblebrox waved one of his three hands in a greeting to Myhrrth andcalled out with one of his two heads, "Hey, Myhrrth, how's the secondcoolest dude in the galaxy?"

Spying Mr. Smock, Vincenzo called to himasking him to join him and Myhrrth.

Mr. Smock walked over to them with a walk,shuffle, drag. Walk, shuffle, drag.

"Whatever is that hanging onto your ankle?"asked Vincenzo.

"It's Nurse Weddin Chapel. It would seemshe's formed an attachment of sorts for me."

"Sigh . . ." sighed Nurse Chapel from herprone position on the floor.

"Looks like Nursey here is the only chickaround," Myhrrth observed. "I wonder where they all went?"

No sooner had the words left Myhrrth'smouth, then in strolled Captain Burp with his entourage offemales.

"Looks like the Captain got all thesweeties. Again," groused Myhrrth, taking a swig of his MuddwiserBeer.

"It was right here," Catheter said as theothers bent down to inspect the spot.

Diaphragm closed her eyes and turned in acircle until she made herself dizzy. "I can feel a trace of magneticresonance," she said.

"Hmmm . . ." said Mouldy.

"I see no scientific reason for being here,"griped Scullery.

Mouldy pulled an oblong metallic object outof his pocket.

"What is that?" questionedCatheter.

"It's something I picked up at a swap meet.I think it's an electronic thumb," he joked.

"What's this button on the side for?" sheasked, pressing it.

The quartet appeared in the wreck room, inglittering columns of light. Catheter, Diaphragm, Mouldy and Scullerylooked around in confusion. "Where are we?" whisperedCatheter.

"I don't know, but it ain't Kansas," repliedDiaphragm.

Rather annoyed, Captain Burp pushed one ofhis females off his lap and bellowed, "Hitchhikers! I specificallysaid no more hitchhikers as we pass through this galaxy!"

Scullery was agog, mouth agape, as shestared at the myriad alien species tossing down spiked punch in thewreck room.

"See," said Mouldy smugly, "What did I tellyou, aliens really do exist," he stated in a loud voice. The roomfell quiet.

"I'm sure there's a logical, scientificreason for all this," Scullery snapped back. "Perhaps they're havinga costume party?"

Mr. Smock's ears perked up more so thanusual. Dragging the nurse along with him, he introduced himself tothe newcomers, taking a particular interest in Scullery. "I like theway you think," he said. "How about dinner sometime?"

"I don't think so," answered Scullery."Looks like you've got all you can handle," referring to Nurse WeddinChapel now slathering kisses on Smock's ankle.

"Three new skirts!" said Myhrrth withrelish. He nudged Vincenzo in the ribs. "Let's go check them outbefore Burp gets to them!" he urged. "I've got dibs on the blonde,"he said pushing his way through the crowd that had quicklygathered.

Meanwhile, Catheter was eyeing theattractive young captain of the ship. She liked powerfulmen.

Vincenzo got close enough to see over theheads of the others and spotted Catheter. He turned to Myhrrth andsnarled, "The blonde is mine."

"Hey, redheads are good too, buddy. Justchill, no problemo."

"Catheter!" called Vincenzo.

"Vincenzo!" screamed Catheter, knowing herbeloved's falsetto voice anywhere. Pulling away from the others, sheran toward him, picking up speed as she went. Reaching him, sheknocked him on his keester with her enthusiastic greeting.

Picking himself up from the floor, Vincenzoblushed and brushed himself off. "Catheter, I wish you would forgetyou were on the wrestling team in high school."

As Catheter arose, she came nose to nosewith Myhrrth, a very intriguing feline fellow. His yellow eyes madeher toes curl up in her shoes, her toenails jabbing herinstep.

Suddenly, without warning, in an unexpectedinstant, the ship lurched. Everyone turned into a giantx-ray.

"Nice teeth," complimented Mouldy toDiaphragm.

Seconds later, everyone and everything wasback the way it was before everything suddenly, without warning, inan unexpectedly. . .(Sorry.) Captain Burp announced to the crew andpassengers, "Not to worry folks, we've just returned to our time.Star Date 3468.1."

Myhrrth sidled up to Diaphragm and Scullery."Are you two beauties sisters? And how do you feel about cats . ..?"

"Love 'em," purred Scullery.

All of the loudspeakers popped on at thesame time, blasting out a message.

"It was the dawn of the third age ofwomankind. Ten years after the Earth-

Minbarium War. The Babble On Project was adream, given form. Its goal to prevent another war, by procreating ina place where humans and outlanders can work out their differencespeaceably. It's a port of coal, home away from house for diplomats,hustlers, entrepreneurs and bums."

"Oh, shit," moaned Burp, as Snotty walkedinto the room. "May I assume we've had another 'glitch'?"

Snotty bowed his head and nodded shamefully."Aye, Captain, my wee bairns are at it again. It'll no' take long tofix 'em though."

"People and aliens wrapped in two million,five hundred thousand tons of twirling aluminum, all alone in thenight. It can be a dangerous place but it's our last, best, hope fora piece. This is the saga of the last of the Babble On Stations. Theyear is twenty-two fifty-eight, the time is six o'clock a.m. The nameof the place is Babble On 5."

Scullery covered her ears with her hands toblock out the noise coming from the speakers. "Why are they going onand on and on like that?" she asked Myhrrth.

"Because they have a loyal fan following.Why do you think they call it 'Babble On'?" he answered.

"Wait! Wait!" Captain Burp shouted. "We havea better intro than that. Listen.

Space . . . the final frontier. Thesesare the voyages of the Star Ship Booby Prize. Her never ending rerunswill explore strange new worlds, will peek at new life and newcivilizations . . . and boldly go where no man has wentbefore!"

The crew moaned and groaned in unison. "TheCaptain's at it again," they said. There was a general plunge for thedoor as they decided taking their stations was far better thanlistening to "the old man" spout off.

Catheter led Vincenzo into the corridor fora quiet moment alone. "Do you have a room on the ship?" Catheterasked seductively, batting her mascaraed eyes.

"Yes, I do," said Vincenzo. "Why do youask?"

"Because I'm going to boldly go where nowoman has gone before."